I feel extremely angry that he cheated on me

I recently broke up with my man after nearly four years.

I recently broke up with my man after nearly four years.

I broke up after I found out that he was cheating on me. I feel robbed, foolish and extremely angry. Now I have a negative attitude towards love and relationships.

I am trying to get my life back together but every time I am alone memories just flood through my mind. What should I do to get him out of my system?

Anonymous, Soweto

Sister, what you should do is give yourself time to heal.

A four-year relationship with someone you loved who turned out to be a cheat is not an easy thing to get over. Give yourself time to heal the wounds that this cheating sod has caused.

It is understandable that you feel robbed and angry. Those emotions are healthy. Better to feel angry than to long for a man who never deserved you.

His behaviour is unforgivable and you are right to feel cheated, but you must also look at your own role in this.

Why did you choose a man who did not know how to appreciate you? Why did you hold on to the relationship when you must have felt that things were no longer right between you?

Part of your healing process is to take a look at yourself and draw up a picture of who you want to be, and what kind of man you want.

Draw up a list of qualities you want him to have. And never settle for less. If you are clear about what you want, you will draw the right man to you.

And when you are ready to love again don't give your heart until you are sure that he is the man of your dreams and that he has the qualities you want in your partner. If he is lacking in any of the areas that are important to you, give him a miss and keep looking for Mr Right.

In time, sister, you will feel much better and you will be ready to love again. Don't be too hard on yourself.