It hurts that my wife refuses to talk or have sex

My wife and I have been married for 16 years. She is 43 and I am 46 and we have two teenage children. We have a nice home, which we both worked hard to get.

My wife and I have been married for 16 years. She is 43 and I am 46 and we have two teenage children. We have a nice home, which we both worked hard to get.

I love her with all my heart. There is no other woman to match her. But we don't confide in each other any more and she no longer wants to have sex with me.

I tried to talk to her about this, but she doesn't want to talk about it. She says we are getting older and this is what happens.

I even asked her if she was having an affair. She laughed at me and said that one man in her life was all the trouble she needed.

I feel hurt and cannot understandwhat has gone wrong. What can I do to save our relationship?

Worried, Gauteng

I am sorry that you find yourself in such a sad and unhappy situation.

You really need to encourage her to talk to you. I understand that this might be difficult for both of you, but there is no other way to sort it out.

I have no doubt that she is just as unhappy as you are. People today work so hard in their careers and in the home that they are physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.

Your wife might be angry or hurt about something that has happened and instead of talking to you she has bottled it up. This would leave her resentful and might explain her change in attitude. She could be suffering from depression. It is impossible to resolve this unless she tells you what she is feeling.

You are both far too young to live in a relationship with no love. You need to establish why her feelings have changed. She must tell you whether she still loves you and whether she wants to save the marriage.

If she does there has to be commitment and effort from both of you. Both of you must also consider your children and the effect your relationship is having on them.

The first step is for both of you to start honestly communicating with each other and then possibly to consider going for counselling.

X