Is your man an angel
So you've been bragging to your buddies that you've found yourself a man and that your "drought days" are over? That's wonderful news.
It's about time you had your own beau and stopped pining for other women's boyfriends and husbands. Gosh, you even have a sparkle in your eyes . new hairdo, new pretty you. Good for you, honey. If anyone deserves boundless happiness it's you - congratulations abound, girl.
Ahem. Without sounding like the prophet of doom, there's a likelihood that your new find is not the angel you envisage him to be: he may have approached you because of what you have and not of what you are as a person.
Just as there are female gold-diggers in our daily surroundings, there's also a breed of mongrels that are out to sponge on unsuspecting, love-thirsty and "affording" sisters like you.
An ex-colleague, who has a plush house, car and a fairly well-paying steady job, came to work over the moon the one Monday because she met the "right-kind" of brother she had liked for a long time. Anyway, she couldn't stop enthusing about the guy - like how well they connected, spiritually and otherwise. But four Mondays later, the sister came to work very depressed.
She said she wasn't sure if he really cared about her as he claimed. All she knew was that she was now doing all the phoning.
The man hardly had airtime on his cellphone - he called her from a public phone and this was very short-lived because he would ask her to call him back. And for the first time her monthly cellphone bill hit the R1200 mark whereas she used to pay a mere R400.
But mostly he would send her many a "pls call me" - what a disgrace, especially coming from a man! - when he had something to say to her.
And of late this meant asking her for another "big favour" like "borrowing" R100 for petrol or pleading with her to phone someone and relay a personal message on his behalf.
Something had to give, she said. I was totally speechless. Forgive me boys for blowing your cover.
Sister, if you think your squeeze is taking you for a ride, go through these questions and answer candidly:
l Does he have a job? - For all I care he could be a gardener, as long as he has a purpose in life and is able to buy his own food, clothes, petrol, smokes and booze, etc. Times are hard;
l Does he walk and talk problems? - Listening to an always complaining and unsatisfied grown-up man, who's short on personal achievements, is sure tiring;
l Does he see you only when he's in trouble or only when he wants some action? - The question is, why are you still with him, dummy? He's using you!
l Does he return the money he borrows from you? - If his ITC record is tainted, what more did you expect?
l Does he drive your car more than often? - Petrol is very steep as you know; he's using you to save his pockets and guzzling yours to spare his;
l Does he stay at your place most of the time? - Maybe you should suggest/insist on spending some time at his place for a change to balance the scales out;
l Does he contribute towards groceries? - If that's the case, you have a potential husband and a father figure right there;
l How often does he take you out or spoil you? - And on those occasions how many times have you ended up settling the bill because his credit/debit card has a glitch?
l Is he in business or attempting to start one? Great. But if he's forever broke, remember you're not his no-payback-necessary, interest-free bank or loan shark.
The "freebie boys" are out to get you - if they're not already inside your pants and payroll.
Of course, true love - if you're fortunate to come across it these days - is not (supposed to be) determined by material value/items. But use your head - not emotions (we all know it's in your nature) and approach the issue with maturity and God-given intelligence.
So have you been fleeced by a person who claims to love you lately?
Now you know what to do.
But do it carefully because you might just be making a mountain out of a molehill.