My people 'know English is not our Mother land'

Some readers of this column are extremely sensitive, and I like it.

Some readers of this column are extremely sensitive, and I like it.

They love a good fight, and whenever they think I am demeaning to blacks, they go for the kill.

One of my New Year resolutions is to go easy on blacks. Maybe I should even avoid calling them that, and refer to them as "my people".

I like it when they improvise to get things done. And when I wrote some time ago that apartheid failed to break that resourcefulness, one reader accused me of heaping praise on a heresy.

Maybe he wanted me to say apartheid made my people stupid. Well, it did not make me so. Back to improvisations. In my life I have come across several well educated and highly acclaimed people globally who could not string enough words together to make sense in English.

They nevertheless still commanded a lot of respect from everybody. Their professions ranged from business, medicine, science, engineering and so on.

Sadly, when one of "my people" makes a grammatical error in English, we start doubting if they are for real and have any substance between their ears.

I said it before and I will say it again: for me, I am quite happy with bad English and good sense, rather than impeccable English expressing twaddle.

So I do not mind when a police spokesman calls a car a ve-hycle, or says when the cops arrived at the scene of an accident, "the driver had already left". (died)

And, if I were looking for a security guard, I would be happy to try out the guy who wrote the application below (circulated on the Internet):

Curriculum Vitae

I am aply to my job of security guard to you boss in you company of Shoprite.

I complete to std 8 examination certificate in 1997. My skool HLOMANI HIGH SKOOL very good.

I am 27 ears to be Born of age and no mallied and no childish.

My father is dead long time ago and my mother mary in KWA-ZULU NATAL country there 10 years now, no see she so nobody known to help me.

My certificate is just sitting home for itself, but passes in Mathematics, Geography, Science and all subjects but fail in English because of MKHIZE teacher teaching me is jelas of myself. Me wear expenses cloth than MKHIZE teacher.

I here people you want security guards to you company and I tell you I Am one of that job experience for 2 years. I shot thief dead. I want to Join the company of you and chase criminal out with me AK47.

Please consider my aplication careful and call me any time because me Have celphone. I am redi for interview with you. I am very hornest and can speak English free of charge.

Please also greet your wife.

And rememba that English is not our mother land!!

You shoulde all be informed that this was written by a Xhosa and we all know how mach they Lia