Motormouth a head trick king

Phuthi Seloba is a suave motormouth spin doctor who claims to be from a revered football-playing family.

Phuthi Seloba is a suave motormouth spin doctor who claims to be from a revered football-playing family.

He claims that he was regarded in high esteem as a footballer in the GaMatlala village of Kgomoschool where he was born and raised.

He is the mouthpiece of the department of health and social development in Limpopo and does his spin doctoring with incalculable zest and the Usuzwile Mkhozi crew respect him for that.

The crew bumped into him at a trendy eatery in Polokwane this week where he was telling whoever cared to listen about his heydays as an alleged streetwise footballer.

The crew was left thunderstruck by what Seloba was saying in front of an embarrassed audience on the night.

Kaizer Chiefs' Telkom Knockout triumph over rivals Mamelodi Sundowns was the main topic on the night but astoundingly Seloba changed the topic and bragged about himself as a former player of note.

He did not want anybody to interrupt him.

Even the crew, whose knowledge of the sport is beyond reproach, was chastised whenever they tried to make their input.

Said Seloba embarrassingly: "You see I'm a natural defensive striker and I always tricked goalkeepers with my head. I don't remember a match where I failed to score a head trick [sic]."

He went on: "You see I decided to play as a striker because I did not want to follow in the footsteps of my brother who was an attacking goalkeeper. My cousin was a born left-handed ball boy. My elder brother finished as the top own-goal scorer of the Kgomoschool Community Cup tournament in 1972. He won himself a goat for his efforts. My uncle was an overlapping referee and our home was a club house. Those were the good old days of entertaining football. It was different from what we are seeing today.

"Look, during our era there were no yellow and red cards and now Suffer [Safa] is allowing referees to spoil matches by allowing them to caution players. Why should I be punished for kicking an opponent? Why should referees disallow goals scored by players who were standing alone up front [off-side] - the opponents must play man-to-man.

"Look what they did to Sundowns on Sunday. They allowed Chiefs to take home both the trophy and the R4,25 million. It was not fair for Downs, who should have been allowed to take one of the two prizes. Our football is going nowhere these days."

While Sundowns are still counting the 44 passes, Amakhosi are counting the 4.25 million.