New taxis not for wide bottoms

I mentioned to the members in the taxi that new taxis were trickling in on the routes. There are still too many coffins masquerading as transport vehicles.

I mentioned to the members in the taxi that new taxis were trickling in on the routes. There are still too many coffins masquerading as transport vehicles.

But a number of new taxis are making a welcome presence. The skorokoros are slowly disappearing, but many people are still dying in the ones on our roads. I understand 30 passengers died in August in taxi accidents. There are mutterings that not all the models on the road are safe for multiple passenger loads.

The big Toyotas and the Inyathis look safe - at least on the outside.

Aunty Emma agreed with me although she is not impressed with the new models. She wants to know why they have no boots. She says they have a lot of space overhead, but no storage racks.

Aunty Emma says more consideration was given to style rather than to the comfort of passengers.

The seats are narrow and when the taxi turns, the passengers on the aisle seats slide off. People do too much of the bump jive with total strangers, whether they like it or not.

There is not enough legroom because of the wheel base that juts into the carriage in every other row of seats. The seat backs are too high and uncomfortable for the South African physique, which is short and stocky.

As Aunty Emma says: "The new taxis are nice to look at, but hell on our bums and backs."

She believes that a new epidemic of back diseases will soon devastate the country.

Pinky told us that the government is concerned about the number of South Africans who are obese. She thinks that this may be another of the government's policies to make us all thin and sexy, like the French.

Since we were not sure that we knew any French people, we could not imagine what we would look like in 10 years time.

Someone suggested that we would look like Kate Moss while the French, who have banned skinny models on fashion ramps, will have ample bosoms and backsides like Sis May in 'S Good is Nice.

Once again, Europe will steal from us while we foolishly succumb to a self-inflicted starvation a la Nongqause.

I secretly counted those who bought into this conspiracy. I think it will make a good excuse for all those who can't commit to a diet.

As for me, I think I will not bother to shed the winter kilos anymore and will stop hankering to look svelte and French.

Aunty Emma agrees with me. She says that her man of the house fondly calls her his Welcome Dover (the stove) as in Mbongeni Ngema's song.

She believes that Kate Moss is okay in the summer, but Elizabeth Taylor still grooves in winter.

The topic died when the Model C brigade wanted to know who Elizabeth Taylor was. It seems dear old Liz has gone out of fashion like the Zola Budd.

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