Medical status boosted by broken bones

Life can be unfair sometimes. I once wrote a health column and, because I have had my bunions removed, I was regarded as having the medical nous to solve medical problems.

But my status has been seriously upstaged by Busi. You see Busi fell down the stairs in her northern suburbs condo and is now using a crutch.

She has to be helped into the taxi carefully and slowly so that she does not hurt herself further. Nevertheless, her theatrical groans make me want to smash her head in.

Broken legs are no match for bunions that itch and throb even when they have been removed.

In the taxi on our way to the Jo'burg CBD, she told us she had borrowed her sister's silver stilettos without permission. As she was traipsing down the stairs, she fell and broke her leg.

She was taken to hospital to have the leg set when the staff discovered her other leg was also cracked.

I forget which hospital she was admitted to, but it uses the old-fashioned white plaster and not the swish one that you can put on and take off.

Busi said when she arrived at the hospital she was attended to by an old white doctor, the type who knows a bit of Zulu.

The doctor examined her leg, looked at her red, shiny, frilly dress and asked: "How many glasses of wine wena phuza?"

Busi indignantly told him that she was a Christian Apostolic Church member and did not drink. The doctor only chuckled.

She was then taken to the bone doctor who discovered that both legs were stukkend. The bone doctor, a young black man, looked at her and her streaky make-up and asked: "Niphuze amacase angaki?Kusukela nini?" (How many cases of beer did you drink and for how long?)

Busi burst out crying because, not only did she not get to the restaurant to meet her blind date, but her sister is threatening to help herself to anything she fancies in Busi's wardrobe.

Apparently the doctors wanted to know if she had been drinking in case they had to take her to theatre, not because they were prejudging her morals.

Busi has come back spouting medical terms like TTO and other combinations. She says every hospital calls its mortuary Ward 40.

Our cheeky Model C youngster says Busi must wear slippers in future. She said her grandmother once fell off a bus and busted her shoulder.

After that the grandmother made a tidy fortune telling the neighbours when it was safe to hang out the laundry. The shoulder was apparently a trusted weather barometer for the whole area.