Things way weird down Mzansi way
We are living in interesting times. As my colleague, Doreen Zimbizi, is wont to say, there's never a dull moment in Mzansi.
This was aptly captured by a brilliant headline in a Pretoria News editorial many years ago following the assassination of Chris Hani - "SA, the land of Milk and Hani."
But those were pre-democracy days and things have since grown weirder by the day. Go to any suburban mall and you'll get my drift.
Supposedly, the so-called black diamonds - young black people who earn in excess of R6000 after being robbed by the taxman - are a new phenomenon, growing their ranks by the day and now accounting for around 29percent of the country's top earners.
But go to Sandton City, Brooklyn, Menlyn Park, the V&A in Cape Town and see how many black people or black families are having breakfast, lunch or dinner at these places. You can actually count them on one hand.
Can someone bring me into the loop? Where are black people eating out? Where are the black diamonds? Are they still hung up with the kota or the round-the-corner chisa nyama?
Someone must shake us and tell us to catch a wake-up and smell the coffee.
On the flipside, I have seen how the black staff at these high- rent restaurants give black customers "the look" and give them rotten service.
You've got to love this country. How else would you explain the ugly spectacle of some striking teachers being captured on television screens sjambokking one of their own whose only crime was to educate children of the black race?
Whatever happened to the decorum and respect accorded to practitioners of the noblest of all professions?
This sorry vigilantism, not only soils the profession, but also demeans the perpetrators and the victims in the process.
Heck, fo' sho' this can only happen in Mzansi. This country has become a large theatre of the absurd.
The current strike by government workers was timed with a precision that is both breathtaking and brilliant in its execution.
It happened just when the World Association of Newspapers conference was kicking off in Cape Town earlier this month.
My foot, these are the leading global opinion-formers, people whose influence can mean the difference between direct foreign investment or our economy going bust.
These are the people with the clout to encourage their nations to invest in this country or give it a miss.
People whose behinds the long-suffering working class should be kissing and rolling out the red carpet for. But not in Mzansi.
Hola Mzansi! While millions of South Africans with struggle credentials do not have a snowball's chance in hell of shaking Madiba's hand, we open his house to creeps, nymphos and the out and out immoral.
In 1998, Madiba's Cape Town house was opened to that crackpot, Kate Moss, and her drug-fiend friends. And what did they do? Snort coke in the old man's bathroom.
The joke is on us now. Gosh, I love this country.