When to do it with Mr Right

Zenoyise Madikwa

Zenoyise Madikwa

Have as many dates as you can.

Let them call you, take you out and pamper you to your heart's delight.

But do not give them your nookie - not one of them, no matter how hot.

I can see libidos toyi-toying. Please do not shoot me, I'm only the messenger. Kate Taylor, the author of Not Tonight, Mr Right, says so.

Not Tonight, Mr Right is a wake-up call for all the women who have ever woken up the "morning after" and thought, oops.

Taylor advocates that women keep their nickers on until they reach a level of commitment that they're happy with. In Not Tonight, Mr Right, Taylor teaches modern women how, why and when not to have sex.

The book is the chastity manual for girls who don't read chastity manuals. Not to worry - it's not a moral tome.

Taylor argues that dating without sex is calmer, peaceful and less stressful. She attributes this to oxytocin, a fatal attraction hormone.

She says from the first passionate kisses, your heartbeat rises, blood rushes to your nether regions and your pituitary gland starts releasing oxytocin.

Oxytocin's job is to help you orgasm and to increase the feelings of attachment to your partner.

It is a "love juice" that causes you not to mind when your partner spanks you or rams his elbow in your eye socket. It makes you want to cuddle him for ages after sex. The "love juice" is also released during childbirth to help the mother bond with her child.

Taylor says the effects of oxytocin don't wear off immediately after sex because the hormone can stay in your body for years after sex.

"Unlike women, oxytocin does not try to weigh up a man's character and values. Men don't expect to have sex on the first, third or fifth date. They do not have an expiry date or a 'best before sticker' on their penis," she says.

Taylor says that the beauty of multi-dating is that it is comparison shopping. It allows you to experience different men simultaneously and not take any one of them seriously.

Ask yourself these questions and see if you need to read this book:

l Have you ever had sex when, looking back, a simple "thanks for dinner" or "I'm sorry I forgot your birthday" would have sufficed?

l Have you ever tried to win back a bored boyfriend with a complicated technique like "crouching tiger, hidden hard-on"?

l Have you ever had sex with someone you weren't that keen on, but still felt irrationally annoyed when they didn't call you again afterwards?

l Have you ever wished you knew the perfect moment to shag?

If you answered "yes" to the questions above, you need this book.

The book is published by Penguin Group and it costs about R110. It is a must-have for every woman.