There is no need to fake it

"Coming" isn't all that easy for women. Nearly all men can climax without difficulty, but women just aren't built that way.

Sex expert, Johanna Dale, says that in many contexts the orgasm plays a central role in sexual activity.

"Most women require direct clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. Few sexual positions provide access to the clitoris, thus preventing actual orgasms. Generally, a woman's motivation for faking an orgasm is to avoid feelings of sexual inadequacy in her partner. An open discussion about sexual intercourse in general and orgasms in particular, has been, and still is, a social taboo."

Dale suggests that many people would be hurt, knowing their partner had faked an orgasm, so many choose to ignore the subject. Dale advises that women never fake an orgasm. They should rather find out what's going to make it happen.

"Women should talk to their partners and experiment. Women should never fake it. But if they do, then they need to present new suggestions of things to try that they think they will like."

Dale says that women should respond positively and truthfully when they find something they like, and eventually this will become the norm.

If a woman doesn't have an orgasm or finds it difficult to climax it doesn't mean there is something wrong with her.

It could simply mean that she hasn't yet learnt how to have an orgasm.

"Masturbation helps some women to learn about their own bodies and how to pleasure themselves.

"Once a woman has learnt to experience pleasure at her own touch and to feel better about her body, she can share what she has learnt with her partner," Dale says.

l What are women's sexual reactions?

A woman's first response to sexual stimulation is usually a nice, warm feeling all over her body as she begins to let herself go.

At the same time her pulse rate goes up, and the pupils of her eyes get bigger. This widening of the pupils makes her more attractive sexually. In the olden days, drugs like belladonna, which means beautiful woman, were used to produce this effect.

l What happens to her sex organs as she gets aroused?

Laboratory studies carried out in Holland in 2004 show that as soon as a woman starts thinking with interest about sex, her vagina moistens. This is the female equivalent of the male erection.

The moistening happens to lubricate her vagina in preparation for possible sexual activity. At the same time, various other things happen: her clitoris - the most erotically sensitive part of her body - swells.

Her labia, the lips of the opening of her vagina, also swell. The effect of this is to open up her vaginal opening slightly, in preparation for intercourse. Inside, her vagina opens up for the possible entry of a penis.

l What happens next?

As she gets more aroused, her breasts will swell a little and her nipples will become more prominent. Her breathing becomes faster and she starts to gasp. Her eyes tend to become glazed and she is likely to lick her lips, thus making them even more attractive to her partner. If she is fair-skinned, a faint pink "rash" will develop at the base of her neck and over her breasts.

And finally?

And finally, she climaxes. What generally happens here is that she experiences a series of waves of ever-increasing pleasure, until eventually the last one is so mind-blowing that she nearly passes out.

At that moment, nearly all women cry out, often very loudly. The muscles of their faces and bodies contract violently, but very enjoyably and then after a while everything relaxes.

l So that's the end?

No, not really. Many women can go on to have more than one climax. But this will only happen if she is happy and relaxed, if she is being skilfully stimulated and if she has learnt how to have multiple orgasms.

There is, of course, a dramatic difference between the sexual response of females and males. Nearly all men have no chance whatsoever of enjoying multiple climaxes. -