Boyfriend refuses to move out

I have been dating my boyfriend for two years and we have been living together for eight months.

I have been dating my boyfriend for two years and we have been living together for eight months.

When we first moved in together he would stay out late or even sleep out and he would come back drunk. Many times I forgave him and took him back.

The last time he stayed away for five days. I spent New Year's day with his family. We did not know where he was.

I wanted to pack his things and tell him to leave, but his uncle talked me out of it.

He left his job a long time ago, but soon after that the place closed anyway so I did not hold it against him.

My problem is that I don't think we should continue living together even though he does everything for me, including cooking, cleaning and washing.

Also, he has not slept out since the last time, but I feel he should live with his mother. My feelings for him have changed and I can't really explain how I feel.

I know that he is desperate to find employment, but even if he was working, I would feel the same way. I have told him how I feel but he refuses to move out.

I don't want the situation to become messy. I have told him that if he leaves we can still date. The only difference is that we will not be living together.

What should I do if he refuses to go? I am no longer happy in this relationship and he knows it.

Frustrated, Johannesburg

Sister, what you should do is put your foot down so firmly that the entire neighbourhood hears your determination.

Tell him that you want him out and that this is not negotiable.

Give him a date on which he must move and tell him that if he won't honour it, then you will be the one to move out and leave him to pay the rent.

But you must be fair and give him a reasonable notice period of a month.

Give him a chance to find alternative accommodation, be it with his mother or anyone else.

I suspect that after his selfish behaviour and heavy drinking, the magic has died for you. I am not surprised.

Who could stay happy in a relationship where the man has no respect and consideration for his woman?

Staying out is bad enough, but staying out for five days and staying away on New Year's day is revolting.

I am prepared to bet that you will soon discover that you don't want him in your life at all, once you get him out of your home space.

Why settle for this when there are other wonderful men out there who can offer you so much more?