What not to do on holiday

It's holiday time. It's time for couples to travel and visit relatives, friends and family members locally, in other African countries and overseas.

It's holiday time. It's time for couples to travel and visit relatives, friends and family members locally, in other African countries and overseas.

Travelling can put a lot of strain on a relationship and lead to arguments. These are often followed by make-up "quickies".

John Son, a sexologist, says the holiday season is also a time when libidos soar because of high stress levels.

Sex pointers while on holiday:

l If you finally get space and time to do the dirty, be civil about it. Don't be too loud during the session. If the bed makes a noise get on to the floor. There is nothing more disgusting than sex noise. When you are back in your own place you are free go as crazy and wild as you want. It will feel even better than under the holiday sheets.

l Talking about holiday sheets. At the end of your stay remove the sheets, wash them and leave them folded at the foot of the bed.

Arrange the bed so that it looks tidy. Wash the towels and clean up after yourself. Flush away used condoms and throw away condom covers. Picking up other people's condom covers is sickening.

l Remember your contraceptives. Research has shown that 43 percent of women find taking the pill a burden while on holiday. And overall, one in five pill users say they have skipped pills on holiday. One quarter of women say this had a negative effect on their holiday.

Research also shows that most babies are conceived on holiday.

General rules for being a good house guest:

l Let your hosts know when you are arriving and when you plan to leave.

l Depending on who you are with, refrain from teasing and cuddling each other in front of the hosts.

l Don't walk around half-naked; it's not your home.

l If you don't have anything good to say about the house, shut the hell up.

l Don't talk dirty, swear at each other or have a physical fight.

l Don't take long showers. Water and electricity are expensive.

l Never bring uninvited friends with you.

l Offer to help around the house.

l Don't begin eating until the hostess sits down and takes the first bite.

l Don't wear the host's clothes. Not even the bathroom slippers. Be sure you don't take or inadvertently pack away some of the host's own clothing. (Just don't steal, dammit!)

l Make your bed every day.

l Leave before your hosts get tired of you.

Note to the host

Askmen.com says a host always establishes a time frame and lets the guests know how long the invitation is for.

l Set a specific date because if you are vague, a few days might drag on. If you find yourself in that position, let your guests know you have other commitments and as much as you would love them to stay longer, it is just not possible.

l Don't be a generous-to-a-fault host.

l Your guests will never leave if they feel needed, so your first move is to pull the welcome mat right out from under their feet.

l What's a little white lie among friends? Boot out your house guests by letting them know their beds have already been promised to a new group of freeloaders.

l Leave them at home alone.

l Nothing makes guests feel more unwelcome than ignoring them completely. Treat them like the parasites they really are by leaving them at home when you go out for a night on the town.

l And lastly get sick, really sick.