My husband was the sexiest hunk this side of the planet when we got married 10 years ago, but a life of constant meetings and endless workshops has seen him gain a lot of weight, including an appalling mkhaba (big tummy).

I tried many interventions including inviting him to gym and placing him on a diet, but have failed over the years. How do I tell him that having sex with him is a total turn-off?

Boitumelo Replies:

It is difficult to suggest any more interventions because you have tried a lot of them and have not been successful.

Most men can easily get ego crushed should they hear that they are not good enough in bed, and are not satisfying their women.

But the truth can get his attention, especially if it is coming from a loving and concerned partner. I believe being honest with him about how you feel and how it is now affecting your sex life can maybe help him see that you are concerned and really want him to make a change.

MOM Replies:

It would help both of you if you cook healthier food at home.

While he is out working, he may be eating a lot of junk food.

Learn to charm your husband. Once he's been charmed he will let his guard down and will give in to your wishes and suggestions.

Sometimes people resist change even if it will benefit them, more so if you come across as condescending. 

Tshenkeng is a clinical psychologist, e-mail her on:tumi.tshenkeng@gmail.com

Mahlobo is a seduction expert,e-mail her on:mandisamahlobo@gmail.com