On our honeymoon recently, I was crushed when I walked in on my new husband pleasuring himself in the bathroom.

I was so embarrassed I went out for a day of sightseeing without him. Although he apologised for doing this on our honeymoon, he said the act has got nothing to do with me. Unfortunately, I often get flashbacks about the experience.

Boitumelo Replies:

It is normal to experience flashbacks of a shocking and unpleasant experience.

That experience has left you with unpleasant memories that come as flashbacks.

That should fade away once the shock has settled down.

A lot of partners tend to question their worth and adequacy in the relationship because it makes them feel like their partner is not feeling satisfied and is replacing them.

It seems your husband's apology and reason is still not enough for you. Perhaps you still need to talk to him about it and really be honest about how it affected you.

You also need to talk about whether this should be taken as something that forms part of your relationship or not, so that you can make peace with it.

MOM Replies:

It could have been worse. You could have walked in on him with another woman. Try and not make mountains out of molehills.

He was just pleasuring himself and he apologised. Do remember that you said "for better for worse".

This is the worse you agreed to. Forgive him and move on. 

Tshenkeng is a clinical psychologist, e-mail her on tumi.tshenkeng@gmail .com

Mahlobo is a seduction expert, e-mail her on mandisamahlobo@gmail.com