My mom won't divorce my cheating father

14 February 2018 - 12:11
By Boitumelo Tshenkeng and Mandisa O Mahlobo
Couple sitting on coach.
Image: 123RF/Wavebreak Media Ltd Couple sitting on coach.

My father, who is a lecturer, was recently fired for sleeping with one of his students in exchange for marks.

This has brought shame on our family, and I think my mother must divorce him, but it seems as if she is willing to forgive him. I am so mad at her for standing by him
although he cheated on her.

Boitumelo Replies:

It's a huge disappointment, and it is understandable you're this angry. It must be a hard time for your mother as well. Your judgement and high expectations at this moment might be too much for her to deal with.

Let her go through her own process, to make up her own mind and to make her own decision. She knows that you don't support the idea of her continuing with this relationship, so you don't have to always tell her about it. All you can do is to support her.

Help her to have confidence to stand up for what is right for her rather than also throwing punches at her. Also remember that it's very difficult for many women to overcome deeply entrenched socialised ideologies of tradition and religion about marriages, which often keeps most women in unhealthy relationships or marriages.

Mandisa Replies:

When did you become your mother's boss? Let's be realistic, she's choosing to stand by her man. You think your mother must divorce him, that's anger speaking. Put yourself in your mother's shoes.

Now think about how many grown women have divorced their cheating husbands? Very few! It's unfair to be mad at your mother. Be mad at your father for cheating. Be mad at yourself for not supporting your mother's decision.