I find myself fantasising about a hot female colleague at work every time I make love to my wife.

This has got me so nervous that it is slowly affecting my performance at work and also in bed with my wife.

I just cannot help myself, what should I do?

Boitumelo replies:

Being married or committed to one partner does not exonerate anyone from being attracted to, having a crush, lust or fantasizing about other people.

Perhaps it is just a hint that your sex life needs some excitement.

Maybe it has not been exciting lately hence you are now having a wondering eye.

It’s time to change things around in your bedroom so that you can fantasize about your wife doing exciting things with you.

Great relationships can end because of being unable to manage a crush or lust. Emotional maturity is understanding that finding other people attractive happens and its okay, but acting on it just because you can is irresponsible.

MOM replies:

It’s a fantasy. Let that register in your mind that it’s only a fantasy.

Fantasies stay in our minds, where they were conjured up.

Once a fantasy is acted out in real life, it has the ability to destroy your life. What you should do is to let the fantasy remain in Fantasyland.

Focus on and enjoy your real wife.

Don’t be greedy Dahlink! 

Tshenkeng is a clinical psychologist, e-mail her on tumi.tshenkeng@gmail .com

Mahlobo is a seduction expert, e-mail her on mandisamahlobo@gmail.com