Avoid all distractions during sex
"We were making love, but the television was on and an investigation into what happened to Chandra Levy was playing in the background.
"I had been following the three-part investigative mini-series from the beginning and my man couldn't have chosen a worse time to want to have sex because I kept trying to catch wind of what was being said. Some governor was about to be pounced on for the crime. It was really gripping stuff!
"He picked it up eventually and was offended that I was not paying attention to him. He accused me of being distracted and he felt rejected and I felt really, really bad."
Deborah* shares an anecdote which speaks to what most people take for granted during sex: distractions that get in the way of properly connecting with your partner.
While most people think that being caught up in the moment of passion with their partner will drown out all distractions, the truth is that certain things can really knock one off their game and make them lose focus.
Sex therapist Godivah says that when it comes to distractions, one needs to guard against them beforehand.
"Nothing should distract you from the passion you have with your lover. An earthquake can happen and you will both think it was an extended orgasm.
"To help with distractions, you need to test out your love nest for nasty distractions before getting it on, and try to curb them by adding romantic touches like flowers, lighting, a heater or fan," she says.
We put certain common distractions to Godivah and asked her to come up with solutions:
Not everyone can afford those cushy, lifetime-durable mattresses that come with a hefty price tag. For most people, the mattress springs eventually give in after some years of use, resulting in an embarrassing squeaky sound whenever any weight is exerted on them. When it comes to doing the mambo, the squeak can be highly distracting.
While it may not be reasonable to confine your lovemaking session to the floor, Godivah says that you need to make light of the situation.
"I would say if you can't replace the squeaky mattress, work with it! Laugh loudly together at it and make it squeak louder humorously with every thrust! Not everything has to be taken so seriously," she says.
A baby's cries were designed to pierce and solicit attention; it doesn't matter what a tough suit of armour you have on or that the cries may be coming from a flat above you.
So nothing can be more of a distraction and mood killer than the baby's cries while trying to get your groove on. "A crying baby must be attended to immediately if it's yours. But always ensure that you come back to bed and carry on.
"If it's not your baby, moan and shout passionately louder and drown out the noise with your own love noises.
"The neighbour may soon try and quieten her child to hear your sex noises better!"
Yes, with summer upon us, flies are inevitable. While you may think that the little guys are harmless, wait until they are buzzing over your heads in the bedroom and you accidentally hit your partner while trying to swat one.
If choking on the fumes of fly spray is not an option, Godivah suggests setting a trap.
GODIVAH'S NUMBER ONE TIP FOR NOT LOSING FOCUS
Sex therapist Godivah says that the best way to avoid distractions is to focus on one particular area of your partner's body. "Focus on a certain aspect of your partner's beauty. There must be one particular area that you find really attractive, and focusing on it can really help to drown out all the distractions. For example, if they have a nice voice, ask them to whisper sexy nonsense in your ear. If he has nice eyes, ask him to open his eyes and look at you. Focusing on one thing helps the mind block out everything else, which can come in handy if you have a lot of distractions to deal with," she says.
"Flies buzzing around your heads while working up a sweat can be a big distraction. I recommend setting up some sticky fly paper permanently in the room beforehand to catch them. But remove it before your lover arrives or when you are about to get your lovemaking match started. Let's face it, a hanging paper with flies sticking to it is not an attractive sight!"
We all know the drilling sounds of construction crews. If you find yourself unfortunate enough to be in an area that is prone to construction noise, Godivah suggests drowning out the pandemonium with music.
"Set up your own loud music speaker in your love corner to blast away outside noises if you are living amongst constant noise. Shut all the windows tightly and close all the doors, then play smooth, romantic music full blast in the room."
* Not her real name