My husband confessed to cheating on me

I recently found out that my husband was cheating on me when he sent me a wrong card and gift clearly meant for his mistress.

He confessed and said the affair meant nothing to him. I have now asked him to call his mistress in my presence to denounce their affair but he is refusing to do so. I told him it is my only condition to get back together with him.

Am I being unreasonable?

Boitumelo replies:

It is fair to expect your partner to be honourable to the ideals you agreed about in your relationship.

It's also fair to expect your husband to end the affair and to show commitment in this relationship.

I understand that you are being assertive about your needs and expectations with this ultimatum.

You don't want him to think that he can do something like this and all he has to do is just apologise.

I see your position that he was actually caught and it was not out of his own volition to confess, hence you want to hear him end the relationship.

I hope you won't be policing him further as that will be emotionally draining.

MOM replies:

Darling, you are not only being unreasonable but your exercise will prove to be futile. Calling her in front of you is not going to break them up.

It may also hurt you very badly to hear that other woman's voice.

Do something different and ditch the normal girl behaviour. Find out where you dropped the ball as a wife. Fix yourself, do you and put yourself first.

The other woman does not have power unless you start acknowledging her.

Boitumelo Tshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mail her at

Mandisa O. Mahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mail her at