My parents have been divorced for the past eight years and I have recently met my father's girlfriend who, despite my reservations at first, is quite charming.

We later clicked and became friends. This made my mother so angry and I can tell that she wants me to despise her as much as she does. I feel trapped as she expects me to side with her.

BOITUMELO replies:

Are you sure your father's girlfriend is not charming you to be on her side as well? It must be difficult to be put in a position where you have to choose between your parents. Help your mother to understand that you can't be made to choose and she must reserve her bitterness to herself. It's been eight years since the divorce, and that she can't be rational about the situation suggests that she has not emotionally divorced her ex-husband.

MOM replies:

Your mother is causing herself cancer unnecessarily. She is holding on to a grudge that may make her sick. There's nothing wrong with you befriending your stepmother. Your mom may need to get some therapy to enable her to move on or get herself a boyfriend. She needs to accept things she cannot change.Tshenkeng is a clinical psychologist. e-mail her on: tumi.tshenkeng@gmail.com

Boitumelo Tshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mail her at tumi.tshenkeng@gmail.com

Mandisa O. Mahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mail her at mandisaomahlobo@gmail.com