My husband of 10 years has suddenly turned against me this year

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Relationship advice from experts

My husband and I have been together for 10 years.

This year seems to be the most difficult one.

He has suddenly become so abusive.

He swears at me and sometimes says very hurtful things. I'm no longer happy with him but I'm scared to leave him.

MOM replies:

Your husband may be disenchanted. Ten years is a long time to be loving someone. His abusiveness may stem from frustration and boredom.

However, it's wrong of him to take out his frustrations on you. Be brave and take a marriage sabbatical.

Be away from him for about two or three months. See how he handles your absence. It just may reignite the flames and encourage both of you to seek some counselling, which you need.

Boitumelo replies:

It can be overwhelming to leave a relationship after so many years. However, it is possible and do-able.

It's normal to be fearful and anxious because dealing with change and the unknown can be scary for people.

You have to allow yourself to feel all sorts of emotions as you go through the process, that's called facing or dealing with the challenge head-on.

You will be surprised at what you are able to overcome. You can get professional help to support you through the process because there you will get emotionally and psychologically empowered first, and a helping hand on taking things step by step.

Many people can encourage you to stay but you know the heat and fear you are facing every day.

Your emotions and people's expectations can confuse you. Hence a rational mind besides yourself can be just what you need.

Boitumelo Tshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mail her at

Mandisa O. Mahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mail her at