Difficult to express what you want in the bedroom? A sex menu may save your love life

Sex. Generic image
Sex. Generic image

Ever fantasized about being spanked, playing dress up or using sex toys during sex? These are some of the acts that people would love to do but are too afraid to tell their partner.

A recent study by relationship charity Relate found that less than half of people are satisfied with their sex life, and 51 per cent had not had sex in the last month.

Could a sex menu save your love life?

Sex expert Dr Stephen de Wit suggests taking twenty minutes to be completely open with yourself, and create a detailed list of turn-ons.

The list is a menu of what a person loves, hates, and would be up for trying during foreplay and sex.

Dorothy Black shared an example of what a sex menu might look like:
- Things I’m into: oral sex, penetrative sex, cuddles, massages, open relationships. 
- Things I’m curious about: threesomes, bondage, role-play. 
- Things I’m definitely not into: humiliation play, monogamy, watersports.

Also read: Depressed after sex? You are not alone

According to Dr de Wit the menu should include turn-ons and positions, from holding hands to bondage, cross-dressing and caning.

"There will be things on the list that turn you on tremendously and some that you’ll say ‘Oh Hells No’ or think something is gross. That is perfectly ok that you are not comfortable with it at this time of your life and it may be something that turns someone else on."

The Daily Star noted that this simple exercise enables a person to build awareness about their body, and to take the time to consider what they enjoy, and how best to share this information with future partners.

Peter Saddington, a sex therapist from the Midlands said that while a sex menu is a good guide, it should still be perceived as flexible. 

“How and whether you want to have sex is affected by that day and the relationship. There are questions you need to consider each time you are being sexual. Just because something worked last time, it doesn’t mean a person wants it a second time.”

Saddington suggests that discussing the actions will help ensure you are talking about the same thing and will enable you to see if the partner is willing to explore or at least meet you half way.

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