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The urge to wash after sex

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We have all seen television programmes of people who are obsessed with cleaning their houses, sometimes several times a day.

Although it may seem radical, most of the time it can actually be a very debilitating condition that is known as obsessive compulsive disorder or OCD, which is a neurological disorder that sees a person being preoccupied excessively with one aspect of their life, in most cases, being clean or keeping a tidy space.

But what happens when the state of being too clean extends to the bedroom? Yes, some people have a bit of OCD when it comes to sex. Some people will scrub up immediately after sex, some will avoid kissing for fear of germs and some will see the need to wash their bedding after sex.

What causes this? We start off by finding out from our focus group who admit to having a bit of OCD when it comes to sex.

We asked them what their habits are when it comes to sex. They have chosen to go by their first names for anonymity, but some of their answers and reasons may surprise you.

Our group consists of Thami, a male nurse; Katlego, a team leader at a banking institution; Kgomotso, a stay-at-home mom and Abednego, a model.

Our main question was firstly what their bedside manner is when it comes to sex.

All of them admitted to wanting to clean up immediately after having sex but each gave different reasons for doing so.

Thami: "I don't particularly like kissing. For me there is something disgusting about it. I know that I maintain a very thorough and strict dental hygiene, but I'm not sure about the other person.

"What I normally do is either avoid kissing altogether during sex, or immediately go into the bathroom and rinse myself with a mouthwash."

Kgomotso: "For me, it really has nothing to do with being disgusted with the other person. I watched a TV programme years ago about hotels from hell, where they shined this blue ray light over bedding and mattresses and they were covered in biological material. It opened my eyes to the filth that we sleep in. So I try by all means to avoid that happening. I usually have a plastic sheet put on before my husband and I have sex and keep towels nearby. I try not to wash the sheets daily, but I keep it down to a minimum of twice a week. My husband used to complain a lot about it, and said that he feels like a bed-wetting child, but he is used to it now."

Abednego: "The reason I opt to shower after sex is for religious purposes. My religion sees sex as a very dirty act, so one has to clean themselves afterwards."

Katlego: "I think the number one reason that guys shower or bath immediately after sex is the fact that they are turned off after the act. That's if they are single. Most guys sometimes get caught up in the moment and end up sleeping with someone they wouldn't otherwise have. After orgasm, reality hits and you are left with nothing but regret. So, in a way, taking that shower or bath is a way of feeling clean again, almost like the act never happened. At least that's what I do."

We spoke to clinical psychologist Pauline Hotane, who deals a lot with couples and intimacy issues about what could be going on when the one partner is obsessed with being clean after sex. Could it be a form of OCD?

Hotane says that more than OCD, which would need to be individually diagnosed by a psychiatrist, the fear of being "dirty" during or after sex has a lot to do with a fear of intimacy.

"Most people who are disgusted with the other person have not really fully immersed themselves emotionally and physically into the person they opt to have sex with. Yes, an exchange of bodily fluids during sex can have deadly consequences, but if it's protected sex or sex within a committed relationship where regular testing takes place, the need of being clean is irrational, and indicates underlying issues.

"Let's face it, sex is supposed to be dirty. It's an act where the two participants let go of their inhibitions and fully immerse themselves and their bodies into each other," Hotane says.

"So what if you get 'dirty' in the process? It's part of the act. Thinking about getting dirty during sex may actually point to a few factors about one's personality and experiences, and there might actually be a need to seek professional help to overcome them."

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