AN HIV-positive Mamelodi East couple is living testimony that having HIV is not a death sentence.

*Palesa Mosibudi and her husband *Thabo learned about their HIV status 13 years ago, when they were expecting their third child, yet the virus did not destroy the strong bond they share.

"I accepted [my diagnosis] because HIV is similar to any other illness. You can die through an accident or while walking the streets, you cannot run away from death. But you will not die because you are HIV-positive, you will live longer if you know your status and take the treatment," says Mosibudi.

The 45-year-old woman earns a living by washing and ironing other people's clothes, while Thabo is a gardener. She explains that when they discovered that they were HIV-positive, they did not focus their attention on blaming each other or trying to figure out who infected who.

"I was concerned about taking care of my life. Our lives did not change, we continued to love one another and we are still united."

Love the great healer

Mosibudi adds that infected couples would not encounter problems if they practised safe sex and were committed to each other. This is the recipe of their success as they love each other in the time of HIV.

"We met on my way back from church and I was wearing my church attire. He told me that he loves me and my heart beat faster," she recalls of how their relationship began in 2001.

Mosibudi says she will not forget how Thabo was still interested in her even when she told him that she had two children; she asked if he was man enough to take her on with them. She says she met him at a difficult period in her life after her ex-husband had run off; but Thabo has been a good father to all their kids.

"He does not discriminate against my children."

At that time Mosibudi was not working and survived on food parcels the local home-care centre donated to her family.

"He brought me home [to his house] and said this is your home. No one can break the love that was developed during hardships," she says.

Now the couple have five children whom she says are all negative and are aware of their parents' HIV status. Her children, she says, found out a few years ago when she got injured and they tried to help as she was bleeding.

"They wanted to touch me and I warned them not to. I then explained that they cannot help me because I am HIV-positive. From then on they would remind me to take my treatment," she smiles.

She says now her children, including the two-year-old, join her and Thabo when they exercise every morning.

When HIV kills love

A Midrand couple do not share the Mosibudis' sentiments. * Ntombi Zondi from Zimbabwe says she contracted the virus from a 42-year-old South African man when she was 18 years old in 2006. She learned about her status after she and her friends had decided to get tested, "just for fun".

Her partner *Nkosi Zonke, 32, and father of their three-year-old daughter, is not HIV-positive.

She remembers the counsellor telling her that she was HIV-positive when she least expected it.

"I screamed in my head, 'I am 18 and waiting for my A-Level results; there must be some sort of mistake'. But I knew in my heart of hearts that there was no mistake.

"He had left me not only broken- hearted but with a virus. I saw the world crashing right before my eyes but I had to be strong and pretend I was okay but deep down inside I was dying a slow death," she recalls.

"He took away my innocence and my most prized possession - my health. After he was done with me he left me for the dogs, the heartbreak hurt but not as much as what was to follow."

A few months later she found out that her ex-boyfriend had died.

"I was scared but I could not, for once, shed a tear because if I did I would have failed myself. I had to keep going. I hated men."

She later moved to South Africa to seek "better living conditions and the medication for my disease, my demon" and this is where she met Nkosi, who was happy that she was honest about her status.

"I fell pregnant and [we] had to move in together. Then the abuse started. Not your typical fist-fight abuse but verbal abuse.

"For the past three years I am constantly reminded that I am dying, that I am a moving corpse.

"Just today [the day of the interview] he repeated the same words: 'I will not marry you because you are dying anyway'."

She has tried to commit suicide but her daughter is the reason for her hope.

Both couples' tales are testimony to the fact that where there's love, there's hope and where there's no love there's no hope.

*Not their real names.

Pregnancy choices for HIV couples

AN HIV-positive Soweto ambassador and TV presenter, Phumelele Dlamini, who was diagnosed with the virus in 1995, says it is essential for couples to consult their doctors for proper advice and tests before they can decide to have a baby.

Dlamini and her partner are a discordant couple and they have an HIV-negative five-year-old son.

"My doctor advised that I conceive after my menstruation period because unlike other women I was ready for ovulation. My CD4 count was 943 and I had a suppressed viral load (thus it was safer for her to try for a baby)." She adds she also used medication to stop mother-to-child transmission.

Dlamini says people did not discriminate against her or judge her when they learned she was pregnant as they understood that she was well informed to take responsible decisions.

Dlamini explains that in her case they took a gamble.

"Honestly we took a risk by not using protection. But my partner tested negative twice." She says for a second baby she will opt for insemination as her mother was worried how the decision will affect her health and that of her child. Her child is negative after she took medication to stop the HIV transmitting.

The HIV-positive couple did not use protection in order to have more kids but protected them from getting the virus.