He hides his cellphone because he is cheating

I am a married woman and knowing that my husband is not completely honest with me is killing me.

For many years now he has been hiding his cellphone from me. It started many years ago when I read SMSes from a woman with whom he had a love-hate relationship.

I have no idea whether they had an affair because when I confronted him about it he denied it. People gossiped about it at the time and it hurt me terribly.

Anyway, she is now living in another country, but I know they are still very much in touch. Once or twice, when he forgot to hide his phone, I read messages that she had sent him. These were messages that only lovers, not friends, would write to each other.

He takes his phone with him wherever he goes, even to the toilet and to the bathroom when he is having a shower. When we sleep he leaves it to charge on his side of the bed.

Please don't tell me to talk to him because I did that already and it only ended in arguments.

In fact, he made me feel like the guilty party.

He is a good man and we have no other problems, but his deviousness is making me very miserable.

I sometimes feel that I should just leave him because his behaviour is killing my love for him. I have sleepless nights just trying to figure out what they are saying to each other.

Please tell me what to do.

Miserable wife, Laudium

Dudu's response

I am sorry that your husband is making you so miserable.

I think your suspicions are justified because his behaviour is not normal. Also, you have seen the evidence in the inappropriate SMSes.

You say he is a good man, but he is certainly not a good husband because if he were he would not hurt you by treating you the way he does.

You say you don't want to hear this, but the only way to solve your problem is to talk to him.

It is better to argue and to know what is going on in his head than to suffer in silence as you are doing.

If you are thinking of ending your marriage he should be made to understand that you are serious and hurting terribly.