My boyfriend got me pregnant, then dumped me

"He said I was a gold digger and all I wanted was his money. Then he hit me.."

MY BOYFRIEND and I have been together for a year. I am 24 and he is 29.

Though we sometimes fight, we are very happy together for the most part. I am in my last year at university and he has a good job.

I have been on the pill for four years and he is aware of this. He has seen me taking the pill.

I have found out that I am pregnant. I cannot tell you how shocked I was.

I am sure I haven't forgotten to take the pill at any time. I was so scared, I didn't know what to do or who to turn to.

Eventually I decided to tell my boyfriend. I did not expect the reaction I got.

He lost his temper. He said I had planned to become pregnant and that I had tricked him and lied.

He said I was a gold digger and all I wanted was his money. When I tried to defend myself he hit me across the face. He hit me so hard that I had the marks of his fingers.

He said I had to abort the child and that if I had it then I would be on my own. He also said for all he knew this could be any man's child.

I could not believe he would say such cruel things to me and it broke my heart. I don't want to have an abortion because I am just starting off my life and I don't think I could live with myself.

I haven't seen him since and this happened two months ago.

I spoke to him on the phone and he said he didn't want to see or speak to me until I told him I have had the abortion. I was almost tempted to say that I would give him what he wanted.

I feel so confused. Now I have to find the courage to tell my parents. Hopefully they will not be too cross with me. I don't know how this happened and I feel so worthless.

How could I have messed up my life so badly?

I feel so alone. - Dejected, Florida

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU

I am sorry that you have been treated so badly.

No one can force you to have an abortion. If you decided to do it just to please him you might in time regret it and resent him forever.

It is your body and no one can dictate to you what you should do.

No matter what you decide, the next step you need to take is to tell your mother.

She will probably be angry and disappointed but hopefully in time she will accept the pregnancy. You cannot cope with this on your own and you will certainly need her support.

You haven't messed up your life. You have made a mistake. Yes, it will be different if you keep the baby but you will manage and you will get through this.

Though you feel so alone you are probably better off without this man in your life. He has abused you mentally, emotionally and physically and in your situation this is unforgivable.

You are not worthless because you made a mistake. Your boyfriend has made you feel this way. He is a coward who cannot stand up to his responsibility.

He is as responsible as you for the pregnancy. But if you are still unsure about your decision, speak to a counseller at university, church or at a hospital.

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