2011 resolutions for SA celebrities

WE GIRLS love celebs and since we want to be famous but can't, we have decided to make some new year's resolutions for some of our favourite celebs...

Florence Masebe, darling, you have had a very silent year and we hope this year you not only give birth like Khanyi Dhlomo-Mkhize and get a husband but also that you keep him.

We hope Speedy not only loses those silly towels but also wears clothes that fit him. Think Jub Jub since he is your cousin and always looks fly.

Mdu Masilela, last year you made no impact and we hope this year you make some money doing what you do best.

Sonia Booth, we hope you get some modelling gigs this year so we can agree when you refer to yourself as a model.

Sello Maake-Ncube, darling, please can we see more of you with your wife this year since we are sure the last lady you were with was not her.

Can we all pray for Zizi Kodwa to get married this year. Marry anyone. You can choose between Bongi Alexander and Penny Lebyane if Gareth Cliff is busy writing letters to folk he does not know.

Sharon Dee, darling, we hope you have all the papgeld you need this year since we don't want to read about those issues anymore when you have all your limbs.

Carol Bouwer, let's just say we know your island will never be built and the more you focus on helping the poor, the better this year.

We hope to spot Shado Twala wearing a bra at this year's J&B Met.

Andile Carelse and Udo could you please bless us with a cappuccino baby this year. Time is ticking, you two.

Zandi Nhlapho, darling, we hope this year you remarry and stay as stunning without Bob Mabena.

Lebo M, we pray that you will not remarry this year and just stick with your wife.

Camagwini, please don't shock us with hideous outfits this year. Please, please rather just wear a school uniform when in doubt.

Kelly Khumalo, please remember that you are now a mother, so no more hitting people in public since you are not a savage.

Kenny Kunene, may you keep the party scene alive with your magical parties and continue kicking out the riffraff.

Bongani Fassie, may you make loads of money this year. Oh, and we love the Hummer we saw you driving in Durban.

Sam Shilowa and Terror, may you two make up and host a party together with balloon animals.

Can Gwede Mantashe be taught how to speak proper English since it's too funny listening to him. While there, please take Bheki Cele.

Since Da Les is single again, please could somebody buy him a mail order bride.

Carol Manana, we hope you get better and put on some weight darling since you look great but just need a bit more meat.

Bonang Matheba, may you fall in love for real this year, with somebody as hot as you.

Julius Malema could you please hire a proper stylist and leave those Hawaiian shirts in Polokwane.

Noleen Maholwana-Sangqu, you and Savita Mbuli look great with your hot new bodies, please don't get any smaller.

Zola, we hope you regain your former glory and no fighting with skanks or geriatrics this year.

Ganeth Maseko, we hope that you learn a bit more about contraceptives this year, sweetie.

Basetsana and Romeo Khumalo may you continue being a super couple and welcome a pair of twins this year as we love babies. Especially light skinned ones. Just an idea.