Women should be free to buy sex, use escort services

Oh, the dreams we were fed when we were young. There was a certain way that our lives were all going to pan out. A lot of us are now at the age where we know how the world doesn't serve us life as per a certain formula, at least not for all of us. We find ourselves where we are, making do with what we have.

I speak to a lot of people who, like me, have become quite disillusioned with the idea of love, romance and finding the one. A dream that we grew up to believe that it is an ideal that is obtainable for all.

Now that we know that it isn't so, what happens to the physiological needs that do not leave with the dreams of our childhood?

If we give up the idea of chasing love and romance, what then do we do for sex? As a basic human need? Could we as adults, start thinking about the idea of setting up our lives in such a way that we set up a culture of sex outside relationships, but in a healthy way?

In a way where we are not lying and deceiving each other? Honest, pure physical engagements with no obligations and/or demands?

Including, and especially normalising the idea of women buying sex and using escort services.

And so, I asked, last week on Twitter, if ladies had ever entertained the idea of buying sex. In SA, this would obviously need to be a more carefully calculated move because of safety reasons. As a woman I imagine you would be signing your death certificate if you were to just walk down an alley sizing up men.

I asked that question as a joke, and in jest, the replies I got started me wondering in earnest about the idea of women buying sex and what it means in society.

Firstly, it would seem that not many women are doing it. If they are, they are doing it in secret, and I think that is part of the problem. A lot of the women in my replies mentioned that they would rather go back to their exes than entertain the idea of buying sex. Some laughed it off and others called the idea ridiculous.

Traditionally, a patriarchal society has moulded the idea of sex as a commodity that belongs to men. As something that men can just take, which probably informs the high rape stats. Most of the men I know have either used the services of a sex worker or at least thought about it.

Because it has been normalised for them. Where boys are being encouraged to gather sexual conquests, girls are taught virtue and saving themselves for the one. Where they are taught sex toys "destroy" your vagina and ruins you for the next man.

Sex, and I'm not talking about wham-bam-thank you ma'am, is a sensual event. And between the genders, if anyone has ownership on sensuality, it is women. And they should be allowed an environment that allows them to choose freely the terms of their sexual endeavours. We need to normalise the idea of women walking into a place and walking away with a man whose services they will pay for later.

If we don't, what are we expecting will happen to the sexual needs of women in instances where love, romance and familiarity do not exist? The undeniable reality is that not all women know of or have met someone that they would be willing to talk to again, let alone have sexual relations with. Besides, normalising this for women means more men can do this without shame too, allowing them economic freedom.