Set in the picturesque venue of the Munro Boutique hotel in Houghton, Johannesburg, the Mzansi’s Sex.
That’s the lesson Tiger Woods learned from sex-addiction therapy, according to his swing coach Hank Haney.
“There are some girls who are going to be after me even more now, especially the wild ones,” the golfer told Haney after finishing therapy. “But what I learned is that for the rest of my life I can’t have sex with someone unless I genuinely feel something for them. If I do, I’m putting myself in jeopardy.”
Haney, in his tell-all, “The Big Miss”, due out March 27, paints his student of six years as a tempestuous, rude, cheap, porn-watching superstar oblivious to those around him.
Woods referred to his hired help as “friends” but he hardly treated them like it, Haney writes.
For example, once Tiger would finish his dinner at a restaurant — even when he was with his wife, Elin — he’d get up, leave without a word and expect everyone to follow, even if they were still eating.
“When he was done — and he habitually ate fast — you were done,” Haney recalls.
And whenever they got takeout, Haney would have to pick up the food — and the tab.
“He seemed to think it was funny to be cheap [with money].”
Haney recalls cringing when Tiger would completely ignore “little-kid autograph seekers who were begging him to stop”.
He says Woods was a walking contradiction — charming but cold, focused but aloof.
But Woods’ legendary toughness vanished when his sexploits became public fodder in 2009.
“God, the media is pounding me,” he whined to Haney. “They’re such vultures.”
Strangely, Woods also revelled in the attention. He seemed elated when his favourite show, “South Park”, depicted him calling his wife a “crazy bitch” and a “stupid Swedish cow” as she shrieked at him and hit him with a golf club.
Woods loved toilet humour and immature pranks, Haney writes.
One time, a month before the Ryder Cup in 2006, the American captain, Tom Lehman, had golfers share hotel rooms in Ireland.
Tiger shared his with Zach Johnson, a devout Christian.
Tiger “immediately purchased the adult-movie 24-hour package and turned the television on”.
Johnson ignored the porn.
“It was so funny watching him acting like everything was normal,” Woods told Haney. “I got him pretty good.”
He was more mean-spirited when it came to rival golfer Phil Mickelson. Tiger would call him lazy and “make fun of his body”.
Despite not seeing eye to eye with Woods, Haney, who quit as his coach in 2010, never fully condemns him, acknowledging his talent and work ethic and how his patriotic admiration for the Navy SEALs led him to train with them.