PARTY on South Africa.
The most trenchant comment on the 2010 Fifa World Cup so far must belong to German national Tomas Berthold, who was speaking on SuperSport about French fans who came to watch Mexico against France live.
He said: "Imagine flying for 10 hours to zees beautiful country to see zees sheet on ze peetch!"
My goodness, did I laugh when I heard that!
The World Cup is a month-long party. We are the host. I'm a little sick and tired of people complaining about how much money we are going to make or lose from it.
When you host a party you spend money so your guests can have a good time. You do not think about how to fleece them! That's why all those heavily priced guesthouses and hotels got so few takers. Nobody wants to go to a party set up to rip them off.
Let's be realistic. Being a soccer world champion is not that important. The World Cup is entertaining. It's reminiscent of the Roman colosseum spectacles that were organised to keep the masses duped with superficial happiness before going back to their ordinary lives.
It's a good networking session. It's a wonderful excuse to travel. It's a glorious marketing tool. Think Ayoba. It is all these things. But it is not oxygen.
Some kid on her Facebook page even described it as a "national orgasm". That's nice, but you and I know how temporary those are. And honestly, they don't solve any serious relationship problems that you might have, do they?
So now that we know what it is, let's judge it accordingly. Man! We are awesome hosts. Yes, some teams have played "sheet", but overall the games have been beautifully unpredictable and entertaining. The pitches we have built are universe class.
And I loved our opening ceremony. I'm not sure whether R Kelly is a paedophile or not, but I loved the song he sang there. If he is indeed a paedophile, well, he's our paedophile now. The point is, we are hosting one of the best parties ever organised on the world stage.
Okay, so Nigeria might be first to be booted out. Bafana-Bafana have a mountain to climb to stay in it. But as my one twisted friend puts it: "When you host a party you do not have to get laid!" All you need to care about is that your guests are entertained and looked after. Besides, we still have the Elephants, the Indomitable Lions and the Black Stars with a look in.
For me the sweetest ending to this party would be the crowning of a new world champion. I'm tired of Brazil, Germany and Italy. And if that champion were to come from this beautiful continent, I would be delirious.
Go on, then,vuvuzela. Enjoy being the host because, just like turning 21, you can't do it twice in a lifetime.