MY HUSBAND and I have beenmarried for a year and I am desperately unhappy.

MY HUSBAND and I have beenmarried for a year and I am desperately unhappy.

Shortly after we got married, he was retrenched so we had to move in with his parents. They are lovely people and have made me feel very welcome. The problem I have is with my husband.

Since he lost his job he hasn't even tried to find another one. He is well educated and in a field where there is a demand for his skills.

I have a good job, but I don't earn that much. I now have to pay all our accounts and contribute to his parents every month.

He depends on me for the money he needs. If I refuse to give him money, he sulks and I eventually give in because I don't want him making a scene in front of his parents.

Sometimes if I say I don't have any money, he will get it from his mother. How will we ever progress if he continues like this? I want to get our own home and have children one day, but I can see that we will never be independent.

I know his mother helps him because she loves having us stay with her so I don't know how I can discuss this with her. I am worried that I will upset her and make life difficult in the home. I feel as if my life is completely out of control. What can I do?

Can't take it, Turffontein

This is a difficult situation you are in and I can understand your frustration and unhappiness.

I am sure his mother doesn't realise that he is running to her when you say no to his demands for money.

When the two of you are privately together, you need to go through the expenses with him.

Tell him how much the accounts are and how much is paid to his parents.

Then explain that you have opened a savings account and all money left over will be paid into that account so that the two of you can plan for your future.

Work together on planning your finances so that he feels he is part of the decision making. Insist that he registers with a few recruitment companies and actively makes an effort every day to find a job.

I am sure that it was very hard for him when he was retrenched. It can leave a person with no self-esteem and confidence. Once he starts taking the power in his hands and stops being a victim, he will start to feel so much better. Encourage him and work with him while he looks for employment.

You seem to have a good relationship with his mother so consider speaking to her alone. Tell her that you are going to help him to look for employment and ask her to encourage him as well.

Marriage is a partnership and will only work if there is good communication between the two of you.

I know this hasn't been easy for both of you, but if you give each other support you will get through this rough patch.