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Is she a keeper ?

By Zenoyise Madikwa | Feb 22, 2010 | COMMENTS [ 0 ]

THE cost of marrying the wrong partner is way more than just replacing your stolen car radio. Stats SA shows that most South Africans divorce within the first five to nine years of marriage and most of those are initiated by women. These divorces cost men thousands of rands.

Not to mention the emotional strain that goes with them.

The most common reason sited for divorce in South Africa. according to Stats SA, is that couples drift apart, followed closely by drug and alcohol abuse, physical abuse and unemployment.

Before walking her down the isle it is important to put her under a relationship microscope to find out if she is a keeper or not.

Antony Walker, a relationship expert, says many guys decide quite early on that they "know" their partner, so they stop reading between the lines and ignore early warning signs.

Men's Health Magazine, a fitness, nutrition, relationships and grooming magazine for South African men, gives the following pre-proprosal inventory for men:

Is she self-centred?

Studies show that her generosity of spirit is directly responsible for your happiness.

According to the magazine women are responsible for selfless acts like taking charge of household chores, organising intimate dinners and starting "coupley" rituals, which will directly influence how happy you will be in the relationship.

The test: dinner for two

Once you are settled, says the website, keep an eye on her rather than looking around the restaurant. This is a great way to assess whether she is into you or not.

"Women tend to be people pleasers, so signs that she doesn't care about your wellbeing are a real warning," the website says.

Fail - She leans over and grabs food from your plate without offering some of hers in return.

"This space invading signals a "what's mine is mine attitude," the magazine warns.

Pass - She doesn't dominate the conversation.

"Keepers ask more questions, speak for shorter periods and use hedges - words that show consideration for your feelings, such as 'perhaps' or 'maybe'."

Does she have patience?

Studies have proved that empathy and patience are vital for long-lasting unions.

"If she doesn't have these traits, then once the honeymoon period is over and she sees the 'real you' - foibles and all - she'll be out the door," warns the magazine.

The test: hit the shops

Take her to the supermarket and see how she reacts towards stressed shoppers.

"How she treats others is an indication of her true nature," suggests the magazine. "If she can't empathise with strangers, expect her to treat you with the same disdain later."

Is she fatalistic?

While you don't want to be dating a martyr, you do need to make sure she can take responsibility for her own actions.

If she can't face up to her own faults, every time you argue she'll pin all the blame on you.

The test: ask about her day

The next time she's sounding off about her lunatic boss, listen carefully.

"Is she always the victim or does she admit she might have played a part in what happened?

Fail - She's passive rather than active in her narrative.

"If things keep 'happening' to her she might be unable to face up to her own [bad] behaviour.

Beware! She'll expect you to repeatedly rescue her and pick all up the pieces.

How does she treat her loved ones?

"How she treats those closest to her predicts the way she'll treat you," suggests the magazine.

The test: meet the parents

"You'll see how she treats the people who love her. Parental behaviour will be her blueprint for a relationship."

Fail - You disagree with the way her family handles conflict. "Take careful note of her family's arguing style - do they sulk or scream? How similar is this to your own?" asks the magazine.

Pass - Her parents resolve differences.

"It's not the arguing that kills a marriage, it's the arguing style," the website says.


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