"I WOULD really like to marry a girl from a village, but she must be educated so that she won't embarrass me in public."
These are the solemn words of a close acquaintance of mine describing what he believes is his ideal life-long partner.
What he's really trying to say is that he wants a woman who will cook for him from time to time, respect him unconditionally and does not use sex as a way of gaining some form of control over the marriage or relationship.
Women who possess these qualities are unlikely to be found stepping over the concrete at Sandton Square or the Camps Bay strip.
A stereotypical destination would be a small village where water buckets are carried on the head and livestocks tended - someone like Jim-comes-to-Joburg Khethiwe in Generations before she got corrupted by the city lights.
Remember how she used to say things like, "Sorry for speaking out of turn, bhuti Tau."
What happened to that lovely girl? And remember Mma Agnes once gave Bra Zeb the silent treatment in Isidingo for one of his misdemeanours?
And here I thought such things were the reserve of today's young and not elderly folk like these characters. Maybe the scriptwriters are making some lavish point about the signs of the times.
The advent of feminism over the past decades has led our sisters to unleash such horrors on their once highly regarded male counterparts.
My pal's words are intended to illustrate the frustrations endured when dating this new breed of sister. The village, as my friend would have it, is the domain of females unspoilt and untouched by the evils that haunt the city. The problem with nubile village girls is the matter of mind stimulation.
Men want to sleep with a beautiful girl and still have great conversations with her. The city ensemble talk endlessly, but then it comes down to quantity against quality. Meaning they might talk a lot but most of it is utter rubbish.
So does this mean it is impossible to have a highly educated and articulate woman who has a great awareness of the world but still adheres to good old-fashioned values?
"Soze uyibone loonto (you will never see that happening)," says one of my Xhosa sisters when asked this question. Some will even go as far as telling you to delve deep into rural Empangeni to seek out these women of noble standing, because they don't play that.
The shy and no eye contact variety are few and far between and nurturing them into the ideal dame could be a challenge of note.
But attempts should not be avoided by any means since it might be the only way to achieve your goals. You should go this route for the best chance to actually find an intelligent and respectful woman.
So here are a few suggestions on bridging the rural and city gap and getting that ideal woman.
You must remember that a tertiary qualification does not necessarily mean intelligence, so you have to de-ruralise certain aspects of her.
Get started by getting rid of her Danielle Steele and Mills and Boon collections and replace them with Zakes Mda and Chinua Achebe.
Then you should introduce her to theatre and art films. A smooth transition to jazz and poetry should ensue after disposing of her Nollywood movies and Daily Sun subscription.
She must stay away from all feminist literature in case they give her ideas. If you execute all these directives you should have the ideal wife, even if it is only in your dreams.