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Minister of Cooperative Governance and Traditional Affairs Des Van Rooyen. Picture Credit: Gallo Images
Van Rooyen suddenly withdraws his interdict

In another twist involving the public protector’s office‚ the Minister of Co-operative Governance an.

cheating - iT ISN't a matter of colour

By Tshegofatso Tlou | Nov 16, 2009 | COMMENTS [ 0 ]

THE STORY is told about how a minister in a recently independent African country refused to fly on a plane after learning that the pilot was black.

THE STORY is told about how a minister in a recently independent African country refused to fly on a plane after learning that the pilot was black.

A friend recently told of how he was shocked to hear his mother say that some guy was so ugly that she doubted IF he was white.

The residual effect of colonialism and white supremacy rule has been that white is right and better.

That is why there is a generally held belief among many black folk that white men make better partners.

Unlike black men, they don't cheat. My grandmother would swear she had never seen a white person drunk, or one that was mentally ill or physically disabled. She also swore that they were faithful.

"When last did you see a black woman confronting her man over another partner in the street?

"Have you ever seen a white woman doing the same?" she would ask, oblivious to the fact that we had no white people living in our neighbourhood.

The belief that "white men are better" appears not to be confined to South Africans.

A few years ago, in an interview (which was later proven to be a hoax) tennis star Serena Williams explained why she preferred dating white men.

The interview offended many but many women said they understood why she went that route.

They said black men could not handle a successful black woman. Another reason was that white men gave their women more attention.

Growing up in the townships, we thought white men would rather pay for a prostitute than have an affair, since they did not get emotionally attached to those they cheated with.

We believed that white women were tougher on cheating men than black women, which was the reason for white men staying on the straight and narrow.

Movie scenes where men are made to go and sleep on the couch buttressed this view.

No less than the former US president, Bill Clinton, is said to have been given the couch treatment after his relationship with White House intern Monica Lewinsky was exposed.

Black men, on the other hand, are expected to stray. Even wedding songs encourage black women to understand that. Monna ke selepe, o lala a adimilwe, which loosely translated means that a man is expected to cheat, and his wife needs to be understanding to make the marriage work.

It is no wonder that black women look to white men as a possible escape route.

The revelation that former rugby star Joost van der Westhuizen cheated on his wife - who was pregnant at the time - did not only shatter his wife Amor Vittone's life.

It dismantled many black women's fantasies about the uprightness of white men.

If anything, it confirmed what many other, smarter women have always known: men are dogs, the only difference is the colour of the breed.

The current vogue among some black women is to go for men from other African countries, who know how to take care of them.

In the same way that local black men lived with the "shame" of not being white, they now have to pick themselves up from the blow of not having been born in West Africa or speaking with a French accent.

As happened with Clinton and Van der Westhuizen, sisters will sooner or later have to learn that men are men. Their being good, bad or ugly has nothing to do with their power, passport or skin colour.

Instead of attributing cheating to skin colour, class or socialisation, women should start asking themselves and their cheating men why they hurt them.

And maybe they can, as couples, find ways of making their relationships as close to infidelity-proof as possible.


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