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By Zenoyise Madikwa | Oct 19, 2009 | COMMENTS [ 0 ]

IF YOU'VE been dumped before you probably know how emotionally hard it is to go through the experience.

IF YOU'VE been dumped before you probably know how emotionally hard it is to go through the experience.

Break-ups and divorce can bring a lot of pain and anger. Studies show that South Africa has one of the highest suicide rates in the world, with more than 20 people attempting to take their lives every day. Among those committing suicide are rejected or dumped lovers.

According to Zanele Njongo, a relationship expert, many people who experience a break-up make the mistake of immediately trying to reconcile with their ex by stating their case in the hope that their ex will instantly take them back.

Njongo says this is an unwise approach and can only lead to further disappointment.

Tips on how to win your ex back:

l Never be desperate to win your ex back, this is the first lesson.

l Do not act like a lesser person to him or her. If you become too eager to get your ex back there is a fair chance that he or she will drift further away. You should focus on bringing out the best in yourself and in that way try to attract him or her to you.

lDo not forget that the qualities that attracted your ex the first time. Maybe these qualities have become buried under the daily troubles of life. Rediscover those fine qualities and make yourself as exciting as you used to be.

l Allow enough space but communicate with your ex. He or she is probably feeling as bad about the split as you are. Do not argue, do not shout or accuse. Let the conversation flow easily, as it did when the two of you were first together.

l Make him or her think about the good times you have shared. Never make him or her bother about what you are thinking.

l The next thing is to make him or her jealous. It will let your ex think about his or her loss and rectify the problem. It is not that you were the main culprit in the break-up. As we all know "it takes two to make a quarrel".

l Do not make yourself easily approachable but it is also best not to be too cold. Balance your attitude rationally. If he or she tries to het closer to you just keep a minimum distance. It will make him or her more jealous. When he or she becomes aware that you have other priorities he or she will try everything to get beside you.

l Ask your common friends to convey the message that you also care for him or her, but no more than that. You will see he or she will rush to call you for a date. It is the time to acknowledge that.

l Be prepared and wear something he or she likes most. You might wear something he or she gave you.

l Seek counselling. After you and your significant other have started a line of communication that is not threatening to each other, consider talking to a family counsellor about your problems and work on a resolution.

l Ensure that you both have an understanding of what went wrong, that you both might have been a bit hot tempered and said things you wish you had not said. Ask for forgiveness if it was your fault.

Here are things you should never do if you want to win back your ex:

l Flirt outrageously to make him or her jealous.

While you might think that flirting in front of your ex will make him or her jealous, it will in fact make them angry and see you you as insensitive. This is especially bad if tried with friends.

l Ring 17 times each hour.

No, this won't show him or her how much you love them, it'll only make them even more angry. Keep contact to a minimum to start with. SMSes, e-mails, phone calls and visits shouldn't happen more than once a day at most.

l Question them on their love life.

Yes, it's difficult to accept that they might now have other partners, but if you ever want to win them back then telling them what they can-can't do while you're split up isn't a good idea.

If it upsets you then avoid the subject altogether.

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