My ex and I split up just over a year ago. He is 29 and I am 25. We were together for seven years. We have a son who is nearly six.
During our relationship, he spent 18 months in prison for a crime he committed before we met.
I left him because he did not treat me well. He was always lying about something, was out of a job most of the time and drank far too much. The sex was great, but we were always fighting.
While he was in prison, I met another guy and we had an affair. He is kind, loving and generous. He isn't a great lover, but he is a kind person. I could not get into something serious with him because I got bored with all the niceness.
Now my ex is being good to me and keeps nagging for us to get back together. He even talks about marriage.
What should I do? Do I try again with a man who has a history of treating me like dirt and doing nothing to contribute to our life or the maintenance of his child or do I go back to Mr Nice Guy? They are the opposite of each other.
Pick and Choose, Johannesburg
It is difficult to believe that you would even consider going back to the first guy. What do you think has changed? And how can you be sure that any apparent changes are permanent? Why would you want to go back to being breadwinner in a relationship with a guy who treats you badly, drinks, lies about while you work and could not be bothered with contributing to his child's lifestyle?
Guy number two is the much better option. So, he isn't the greatest lover. He can learn. He has all the qualities you should want in a partner. If life with him is a little boring, you can be the leader who makes suggestions to put some spice into affairs.
Do you believe that the father of your child can learn to be a caring person? Do you believe he can learn to want to get up to go to work every day? Can he learn to treat you with kindness and respect?
Remember this is an adult who is more than likely already set in his ways.
Why would you choose fighting and friction over kindness and peace?
Methinks you have some of our own issues to deal with, sister.