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Be proud and don't let his toxic clan get to you

By unknown | May 11, 2009 | COMMENTS [ 0 ]

I am 36 and for the past 10 months I have been in a relationship with a man who is 40.

I am 36 and for the past 10 months I have been in a relationship with a man who is 40.

He is divorced and looks after his two children because his ex-wife is useless.

He lives a few streets away from his parents and they have always been very good about baby-sitting for him and helping with the children.

For the first six weeks of the relationship his parents remained good about the children.

But then they called him to a meeting and told him that they did not like me because I am too financially independent and strong-willed.

They said they would no longer baby-sit and help out as often and he could call on them to baby-sit only on Friday nights

His parents were very insulting about my being 36 and not having been married before.

They criticised the car I drive, saying it is too flashy, and the way I dress. They said I spent too much on clothing and make-up.

They know nothing about me. I am not yet married because I wanted to establish myself first. My mother stuck in an abusive marriage because she had no financial alternative and I swore that would never happen to me.

I have a degree and many years' experience. I have worked very hard to get where I am and I earn an excellent salary. I help my family but that is nobody's business.

What do you think I should do?

Angry, Sandton

Sister, before I give you advice, congratulations on becoming such a successful woman. Your family must be proud of you.

Secondly, be proud of yourself for the fact that you help your family and have not forgotten those who don't have what you do.

Now, about you and your man. If his family refuses to make the first move by calling you to apologise, hold out for a while and then speak to him about it again.

If you are in love with this man and want to marry him you will have to swallow your pride if the family refuses to approach you.

Contact them and tell them you are upset by their judgment and criticism. Tell them about your successes and your willingness to share you good financial fortune with their son and grandchildren.

If they still won't soften you will know you were the better person for trying.

If this is not the man you want to marry, just ignore the toxic clan and let the relationship run its course.

Whatever you do, don't insult his family. They are his flesh and blood and he loves them.

Good luck.


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