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'Doctor' promises to heal all ills

By unknown | Mar 04, 2009 | COMMENTS [ 0 ]

Some time ago I riled a reader when I suggested that in spite of its evil intent, apartheid failed to make us stupid.

Some time ago I riled a reader when I suggested that in spite of its evil intent, apartheid failed to make us stupid.

He (the reader) was so gatvol he said I was glorifying the God-forsaken system which brought so much misery to so many of our people. Well, that's how he decided to misinterpret me and I would have left it at that.

But this week I realised how correct I was when I accepted a flyer at a set of traffic lights in Pretoria where I had just been to see my critically ill niece Thoko.

I had just been exposed to the very best western medicine can offer - the state-of-the-art, high-tech facility that is the ICU of the Louis Pasteur Hospital.

My heart was in my throat, sight blurred by tears and wondering just why it is that Thoko's doctor encouraged us, the family, to pray. When doctors say "pray", you know things are bad.

Doomsday scenarios played out in my mind as I got to the traffic lights and absent-mindedly accepted the flyer. I glanced at it while crawling in the snail-paced traffic. It was an advert from a Dr Mshay'azafe (hit him 'til he dies).

The good doctor offered a lengthy list of magical things he could do. The only thing he did not say he could do was make you live forever.

He could:

l make your employers love you (easy one that, they all say).

l bring back a loved one who's sulked off.

l remove the black spot on your hand that keeps money away.

l enlarge you-know-what in just a couple of hours.

l "work" your spouse so that if he or she strays, you will catch them in the act.

l identify your enemies before they harm you and deal with them (scary).

l show you, through a mirror, those who have stolen from you or done you wrong.

l ensure you pass your exams.

l imbue you with dignity so everybody will respect and love you.

l scare off evil spirits to safeguard your home and your car - so you won't have burglaries or crash.

l give you luck to win at the races and the Lotto.

All the above and much more for the measly price of R100 (the A4 pamphlet was printed on both sides).

Above all, he could ensure you never got sick. I never got to see "Dr Mshay'azafe", but I could bet he is black and a product of apartheid.

Unlike Thoko's doctors, he could not be bothered with all the niceties and paraphernalia of surgery and pharmacology that is the lot of the ICU.

All the years and effort these medical men and women put into qualifying still can't help solve a tiny fraction of what "Dr Mshay'azafe" can - I imagine often by spraying some water on the patient, or making them swallow some herb. Remember, this is a man who can ensure you never, ever get sick.

The man is loco - but he is definitely not stupid (in spite of apartheid).

In a queer way "Dr Mshay'azafe" lifted my spirit and momentarily killed my heartache. I saw the funny, and forgot my troubles. Maybe it works.


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