Open letter to South Africa’s students‚ universities and government‚ represented by Minister in the .
My ex's girlfriend is the mother of his child. I also have a child with him. My relationship with him is over and now she wants to be my friend. She keeps wanting to visit me.
She also keeps telling me that he does not maintain their child, which is the same thing he is doing to me. She says she will always let him see his child because he is the father. I told her that I would not, as long as he does not pay maintenance. He says he is not the father of our child.
My mother and his family are dead against the friendship. She is acting very sweetly. Do you think there is a motive behind it?
While I was still involved with this man, she was always sending him SMSes and calling him. One SMS said: "Why don't you use our child to get money from her?"
Sister, you do not say how old you are, but I presume you are an adult. As such, you have the right to make your own decisions and the right to ignore what other people say and advise. If you want to be friends with her, that is your right.
But before you leap into friendship, carefully examine your own motives. Is she someone you really like? Is she someone who you want to know your business? Would you pursue a friendship out of genuine fondness for her or because you want to get back at your ex? How would the friendship benefit you?
The SMS about using a child to get money should be ringing very loud alarm bells in your head. The fact that she did not respect your relationship with him and was always calling and sending inappropriate messages should also get those bells clanging.
While I said it is right to make your own decisions, sometimes it is advisable to listen to folk who are older and wiser than you, and in the case of his parents, perhaps they know more about her than you do.
Oh, and stick to your guns about being tough and demanding maintenance. Why let him get away with what may become a pattern of fathering children and then disappearing? If there is only one thing you two women do together, let it be making him pay maintenance.