I am 22 and I have been with my partner for about a year and a half. We have a good thing going and we have wonderful relationships with each other's families, but there are things I am not happy with.
He goes out a lot with his friends and then usually comes back in the early hours. We spend many weekends at his parents' place and he leaves me there and goes gallivanting with friends.
He communicates a lot with other women. I have asked him about them and he says they are friends. Then one day I was so angry that I went through his cellphone and found a message. I called the number and asked what was going on. She said they met at a bar that he usually goes to and that he had asked for her numbers. She said that their "relationship" was fresh and she wanted to see where it would end.
When I asked him about it he said they were friends and that I should not feel threatened by other women.
I've tried to talk to him about it, especially his late nights, but it ended in a fight and he walked out on me.
I'm not sure what to do. I really love him and I was hoping that he would change. Is it worth trying or should I give up and find someone who will appreciate being with me? I feel neglected and lonely sometimes. I'm not sure if I want to compete with his friends all the time.
Not Sure, Pretoria
Sister, it sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it. He wants a relationship with a woman waiting faithfully and patiently at home for him, while he lives the single life, jolling in bars.
Have you ever wondered why he takes you to his parents' home and then leaves you there while he hits the town at night? Could it be because he wants watchful eyes on you while he jols around?
Why do you keep putting yourself through this? Instead of heading to his parents' home, go out with your friends. Give him an ultimatum. Either he stays home more with you and goes out less or you give him his freedom. Stop feeding into this power imbalance in your relationship. This situation can only continue as long as you allow it to.