Open letter to South Africa’s students‚ universities and government‚ represented by Minister in the .
I am a 32-year-old man and I intend to marry my partner. Though I love her very much, I have to admit that she is a complete liar.
A while back she packed up all her belongings and went back to her family with my two-year-old daughter. She left under false pretenses, with some big story about an office and office equipment but it was not true.
Recently I sat her down and told her that she should stop lying because it is not good for our relationship. She agreed and promised to stop lying, but she has not. She even lies about little things.
I do not know why she lies.
Please help me before my intended marriage falls apart.
I hate lies and she knows that, but she just does not stop.
While I am not clear about the lies regarding office equipment, I gather that the point of your letter is that your partner has a problem telling the truth. Or, as some would say, she is economical with the truth.
As you said, lies are very destructive and damaging to a relationship. Lies break down trust and make it difficult for one partner to feel secure about the other.
If she lies to you about little things, how can you be sure she is telling the truth about the big stuff?
I suspect she has a psychological problem and needs professional help. She should see a therapist to deal with her issues and find out why she feels the need to lie. Lying has probably become such a habit that she will find it difficult to stop.
She can promise not to lie but I bet the untruths fly off her tongue without her even thinking about it. The best way for her to conquer this habit is to explore it with a professional.
If she agrees to see a therapist, may I suggest that you call the therapist once a month to check that she has been going for therapy and to make sure that she isn't lying to you.
If she refuses to get help you will be faced with the choice of either getting used to her untruths or walking away and looking for an honest woman.