My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. He is handsome and kind but has put on so much weight that I no longer find him attractive and don't want to have sex with him.
His mother died eight months ago. They were very close and he is struggling to deal with her passing. He started comfort-eating when she died and hasn't stopped.
After dinner he eats chocolates and biscuits and he eats all day at work. He has put on at least 20kg in the last few months.
I find it a turn-off and have told him so. I have also told him that he is putting himself at risk of diabetes and other illnesses. He says eating makes him feel better. I told him he would lose me unless he lost weight.
He says I am shallow and he doesn't want me if my love is based on his looks.
I love him but don't want a future with a fatty who will die of a heart attack.
I love him but don't want to have sex with a blob.
Put Off, Johannesburg
Sister, do you have a perfect body?
How would you feel knowing a lover is with you based entirely on your physical appeal? Wouldn't you feel like a piece of meat?
If you truly love him then surely it doesn't matter what he looks like? If you truly love him it makes sense to encourage him to lose weight and get his eating under control and deal with his grief in a more positive way.
Instead of belittling, bullying and threatening him, encourage him to see a therapist to deal with his grief.
Make sure there aren't chocolates and biscuits in the home. Pack healthy lunches and treats for work and encourage him to give the fatty stuff a miss.
Encourage him to exercise. Reward him for weight loss by being affectionate and rekindling the heat in the bedroom. Help him to get his life under control.