We have been married for nearly 10 years and we have two children. We dated for two years before that.
Recently I found out that my wife has been having an affair for four months. He is younger than her, very handsome and has a great body. She says he is the best lover she ever had.
I found out when I saw them having lunch. I saw them kissing. I stormed into the restaurant and confronted them. I wanted to kill them, but walked away.
That night she and I had a long talk. She said she still loves me and does not want to lose me. She wants our marriage to succeed and she wants us to live with our children as a family. But she also said she loves him and does not want to give him up. She said our sex life is boring.
She said she loves my humour and my personality, but wants sex with him. She said she can't have sex with both of us, but she wants emotions with both of us.
I have thought about it a lot. I am so angry. I am angry with him for coming between us and am angry with her for allowing it to happen.
I am angry with her for saying I am not a good lover. I am angry with her for what she is putting us through. I am especially angry with her because I know I cannot carry on this way. I am angry with her for doing this to us and to our children.
Should I divorce her or go with her ridiculous suggestion?
Angry Man, Gauteng
Tell her that she cannot have both of you. That is not negotiable. She must choose life with a younger man who will more than likely dump her when the next challenge comes along or life with the man she made a vow to be with when she married you. Whether she wants life as a happy family with your children or as a divorced couple with the children farmed out here and there.
But if she does stay, how would you be able to trust her? It would be very difficult to go back to the old way of life, constantly worrying that she has found a new secret lover.
She has destroyed so much with her infidelity and it would take a mammoth effort from both of you to make it work again.
If you do go ahead with the divorce, make sure that your children do not become pawns in the split. Do not take out your anger and disappointment on them. Do not call their mother names or speak badly about her and make sure she should not do that either.
Your children do not deserves to become weapons. They are innocent and you must do all in your power to make it as easy as possible for them.
Good luck, brother. When your heart has healed, may you find the woman who deserves you.