Correctional Services said that “matters are under control” at Johannesburg’s Sun City Prison on Wed.
Because I gave up the notion of understanding men a long time ago, I have taken to using maths when it comes to them.
It's as simple as this, men are from Niniva and women are from Tarshish. Is that even how you spell these places? Where are these places anyway? Try and ask a man these simple questions and see stupidity looking hurtful.
The truth is, when all has been said and done, we look just as idiotic trying to break the walls of communication.
So, why not use a bit of physics, to quote Barry Hilton. Use your own head and you might shock yourself at the discovery.
But me, being the jaded soul with suspicion covering all that is presented to me, this is the dictionary that my head has come up with.
When a man says: Aren't you cold?
He means: Let's go to your car and shag.
Says: I don't have any money left.
Means: Yeah, if you deduct the R2 000 I have left to spoil the boys at this weekend's drinking hole. Those boys know how to bring the animal out in me.
Says: You dress well
Means: You've got style baby. You are cooking! Where's the next J&B so I can show you off?
Says: You and my mom are so much alike.
Means: I can't deal with two similar bitches in one life time.
Says: Your maid is nice.
Means: Blink once and I'll have her serving me dinner in bed naked. If these shiny glasses are anything to go by, she licks well.
Says: She's like a mother to me.
Means: The coolest of them all. Ones I've had wet dreams over. To be honest she shagged me brains out.
Asks:Are you cheating on me?
Means: Is my dick too small? Will I ever be man enough for you to recognise that I'm even male.
Says: You cook better than my mom.
Means: You cook better than my mom.
Says: I'm so over her.
Means: The bitch has me by the balls. I need the Saviour himself to come down here and whip me back into shape.
Says: I think you're a shopperholic.
Means: I want my credit card back you cow. You are drowning me in debt and you don't even have my baby yet.
Says: Your mom is beautiful
Means: I hope you age just as gracefully. Maybe leave the Brutal Fruit alone.
Says: My mom would kill me.
Means:My mom is a female jerk. You think you're nasty but try that witch and you'd be sent back coiling. I can't wait.
Asks: Should I bring some wine?
Means: Alcohol makes women weak and men stronger. Get drunk and get pregnant with twins.
Says: I'm going to be busy this weekend. I have back to back meetings.
Means: Get a life will you.
Says: It's not you it's me.
Means: It's not me, it's you and now I have to go shag your best friend.
Says: When I was in therapy.
Means: I'm a lost soul. Not even you can help me.
Says: You women can talk.
Means: Yada yada yada Amanda Winfrey. Stop it with your nagging bitching syndicate because if I have to hear one more word about my abusive ways.
Says: That's a nice car.
Means: Run from me. I'm a conceited car idiot who gets laid on the car he drives when looks fail me.