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It's hell to be in love with a hunk

By unknown | Sep 01, 2008 | COMMENTS [ 0 ]

He was waiting on the veranda with a drink in his hand and a swarm of young women and one gay guy at his beck and call.

He was waiting on the veranda with a drink in his hand and a swarm of young women and one gay guy at his beck and call.

As soon as they saw me walk towards him, whispers ruled the porch and soon there were just three women left around his table, his royal gayness having given up too easily for my liking.

When Khaya stood up to draw the chair out for me and greeted me with a hug and a kiss, only two hopefuls remained behind.

They must have hoped I was his sister. I looked at him and I thought that we could have been siblings, only his features were more refined.

No wonder waitrons at this place wanted a piece of him. Didn't I have enough drama about his psycho ex to have to deal with many other beautiful contenders in this relationship?

The thought struck me: If you want to be happy, fall in love with a frog and a few hundred kisses might turn him into a prince and the women will notice the miracle and the drama will follow. But my choice was made a long time ago. I simply love my men cute and he was no exception. How vain and sad.

Still, when he rocked up at my place for my 30-something birthday party looking like a metro version of Bob Marley, it looked like nothing had prepared my friends for his kind.

And this is always the story with dating calender boys.

I even revisited aunt Poppie's idea. She says all girls should go for the ugly alpha male type, so long as they can provide for us. Think Kenneth and Dineo of Generations.

"A stud ain't nothing but trouble," she always says as she adjusts her oversized glasses.

But although she raises the subject at the oddest times, I have observed incidents that prove she might be on to something.

If you have ever dated Citizen X's kind with the gigantic liquid centre eyes with everything going for him and everything in the right place, someone like Boris Kodjoe, you know the stress that comes with a relationship like this.

First, people assume he is your relative or colleague and demand to get hooked up.

When they finally put the pieces together, they choose to think you have rented him from an escort agency. When that fails, people wonder loudly if he is playing the field with your ass, especially after a Brutal Fruit or four.

Courageous souls might ask for tips on how you hooked him. Yes, you will always be the object of detesters; bored women who wished they were you.

At this point, you start thinking that perhaps there is some truth in that he will never commit, but the heart, being such an air-headed seductress of the master brain, will refuse to believe it.

So you wait and constantly dig from your bag of fornication tricks, hoping he blurts it out in the middle of a hurricane session that he wants to ". marry you baby!"

How the head can fall for the heart!

Second, his beauty makes it hard for other women to show their loyalty towards you by keeping their legs crossed. Even though you might be a sizzling thing yourself, you can never rule out that he might succumb to temptation and jump for the dangling thighs before him.

And never listen to a hottie who tells you he will never cheat because we were all there when Clinton said: "I have never slept with that woman."

And guess what, I don't think Hillary would have listened to her inner voice if he didn't eventually decide to come clean.

Actually it was when he started weighing the odds that he succumbed to truth. Oh but he was a peace lover. Citizen X says beautiful people like to be surrounded by beautiful things. I guess that explains Bush's war stance.

It is around this stage that women in my position will try to master the art of pleading ignorance, but it makes a woman lethargic to know that her man is a thing of an unpaid movie star.

Third, mind games never end. It's one thing to have to deal with feelings of suspicion when he's away, but the minute he enters the door, the demon stares you in the face. Keeping your cool might as well be something of a second job.

Also, there's the annoying charm that tears down the walls of justice when dealing with Kodjoe's friends. Gorgeous men make you lose your sense of judgment and before you know it, you are letting them get away with murder. They won't make things easier because they are too used to the royal treatment. They will overstretch your patience to a point of imbecility.

Let's not forget his high school losers and drinking buddies who will forever hover around you trying to get some of what he sees in you.

But after all has been said and done, and you have dealt with the truth that he must see something you don't see yourself, the fact is he still remains your man and has no gun against his head.

So these days, when he sleeps with his mouth open and the hand on his crotch, I slowly reach for my camera phone to capture those special moments. The photos remind me that just like every one of us, he does get ugly and these come in handy when my heart asks if it can dance with his mind.


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