First comes a clear notion that you will meet your prince and do the obvious. When that doesn't happen because perhaps you feel the prince was a bit of a retard, the wave starts taking you to all kinds of dangerous situations.
Now and then you might find yourself dating people who are obviously off limits. But one day you hear stories of people who braved it and dared to date where they weren't supposed to, and they were immensely rewarded for that.
Then a thought strikes you, why not bend a few rules. Like dating a married man. Dangerous, stupid, immoral. Take it from a woman who knows.
As our union danced from the light to darkness and back again, it became harder to deceive myself.
After three months I was still waiting for my Chante Moore CD, my leopard printed unitard that was sure going to make me look like a tramp. I was also still anticipating the picnic in the park and I looked at my handbag and realised I was still in possession of movie tickets that had expired. We were that incognito.
The thing with dating a married man is that once you get over the taboo element of it, things can only go downhill.
lHe got his cake and was eating it, too. While he led a thriving public persona with a little help from his wife, I was his little secret that got him through imaginary hardships he faced at home on weekends.
He made me feel like the long lost piece of the puzzle called his life, but he was the only one with the two pieces to rub together and make a fire that kept him warm against the chills of life.
I had nothing while he was undoubtedly having the best of both worlds.
lHe would never leave the old geezer. Because like many of his brothers in the game, my married man had invested in his marital scam.
Getting out meant leaving the house to his wife and a possibility of a fortune in maintenance. The money part of the ending proved too much.
They often disguise the financial aspect by dragging in the kids, but I now know that kids are simply window-dressing in the exploitation institution known as the relationship with a married man.
lHe thrived on sympathy. On any given Monday he used to sheepishly give me a look that said: "If only you knew what I've been through."
And on enquiry later in the week I would learn that what he had been through were a Saturday evening of gregarious laughter with his homeboys, a few bottles of whiskey and a hangover that was simply trying to tell him that one day it was going to take him to his ancestors.
And I was supposed to scoop him up in my arms for that? I don't think so.
lWhat about karma? Was I doing unto others as I would have them do unto me? Whether I admitted it or not, there was karma in full swing and in all spheres of my life.
First my skin broke out in a thousand pimples and I was losing more friends because he became my alpha and omega and there was no space in my life for anyone else.
More than anything, I seemed to be sending some bad vibes wherever I was. I even thought that I might have been jinxed.
And I always wondered how I would feel if I had been the oblivious woman in his life.
lHome wrecking doesn't pay. Whether I was sleeping, working or playing, I had the whisper in my head telling me I was the creep that would pay for all the damage one day.
lMen are not to be trusted. Married men have difficulty accepting full responsibility for their deceitful actions. I had played the tape over and over again in my head.
Just like his brothers in the game, I knew that if our affair blew up in his face he would choose blaming me rather than accept the shame.
He was going to blame me, and the world would have believed his hands had been tied all along. That there may have been some level of blackmail.
lIt's always the mistress' fault. She gets to bear the brunt and sustain the wrath of the community.
lIt was a waste of everything. I wasn't sure my eggs were that fresh and he, having had a kid when he was a kid himself, wasn't keen on the idea of another child and I wanted one so why waste time with someone like that?
I loved him with my life, but I'm sure God didn't want me to spend my entire life repressing my wishes and treading on thin ice. Life is too precious.