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Gentlemen aren't takers

By unknown | May 19, 2008 | COMMENTS [ 0 ]

Amanda Ngudle

Amanda Ngudle

There is something that keeps me in total awe of women who grab what's rightfully theirs when the chips are down. It's men who do the same that leave me shaking.

Granted, we are all equal in healthy relationships, but men are providers and shouldn't assume the role of the female when the relationship comes to an end.

But one bloke from Zola said: "You guys said you wanted a 50-50 arrangement didn't you?", and walked away with the curtains, dishwasher, baby stroller and other things that were useless to him. All because the woman cheated.

Okay, perhaps cheating deserves unprecedented punishment, but men who take stuff when they leave are cheap, no, mahala!

A picture of my aunt springs to mind. I remember her man with his greasy perm, hand clutching her tiny waist.

It was the banging 80s and he bought her Bang Bang jeans and Robbie De Kappa tracksuits against my mother's blessings.

When they hit the Choose Me One dance floor they did so in the fanciest shoes and clothes, all courtesy of Mangethe.

All my mother wanted to know from her younger sister was if she knew how doting men like Mangethe could make an about-turn when love hits the finish line.

My enchanted aunt couldn't be bothered.

One day Mangethe lost his cool when my aunt didn't return one of his 56 calls. He came marching home to demand his things back and though my mom's laughter seemed too ruthless, the memory still leaves me in stitches. Still, gentlemen shouldn't take stuff from ex-flames.

Men are providers and anyone who fails to hold that candle on behalf of his comrades is a loser.

The chap from Zola might argue that in an equal relationship it's only fair for both partners to jump for the dividends, but it's primitive for a man to get into a materialistic contest with a woman. And besides, what's the meaning of a gift if it can be withdrawn?

My bolder invisible twin sister wants to know why one would you take from someone who gave you some of your best memories? What's that I heard about memories not being enough?

Memories are priceless. And besides, there is that little something that no one dares straighten out.

You see, noble men marry their women before they sleep with them and they pay a fortune in Ilobolo. You got it for free, so walk away like a perfect gentleman.

If she takes everything, she deserves it. She gave herself to you. That is immeasurable and you have to agree.

Here's how to avoid the drama:

lMake sure you are not in the clutches of a gold digger because even though all women are potential players, some are very good at concealing the signs and deserve an Oscar.

lIt's a new era altogether. Roses are good, diamonds are lovely and so is eating out, but money transactions should be done with an agreement.

Make sure you understand the terms. Is it a loan or a gift? Just have things spelt out before you are left feeling like a thirsty ape.

lHere's a tricky one. Say you go out with a chick, fall in love, give her the ring and she takes it, but ends it later. What do you do with the ring?

It was no gift but a symbol of your commitment. It's yours and if she has any respect for herself she will return it. If she goes and trades it for something more valuable, she was always a taker.

lAre there any safer gifts? It all depends on your wallet, really. For the blue colour type, the sting from a taker will be more indelible than for someone like Mandla Mthembu.

lGifts in love are good, just make sure she aint a gold digger because her type can take you to the cleaners with just a few slithering bedroom moves.

How to spot a female gold digger:

lShe gets a new hairdo every week, but carries a cheap phone and has a fake designer wristwatch.

lShe never has money for rent but is always inviting friends and lovers for drinks and ends up drinking from them.

l She is happy receiving gifts, but never gives any or offers gifts that cost more than R50.

lShe gets mad when someone close to you needs financial help. She thinks their benefit is her loss.

lShe has no noble interest in you. When you are broke she encourages you to get into more debt or borrow from friends.

lShe showers rich and connected people with money and gifts. To her it's an investment. If they die they might make her their heir or hook her up with someone rich and famous.

Men gold diggers

lHe has mastered the art of etiquette and is so polite you let him get away with murder because you can't separate the gentlemanly streak from the con artist.

lHe spends his last R20 on you and basically that's how you have exhausted his earnings.

lHe carries the most expensive phone and loves fancy cars, but refuses to secure jobs that will provide for his desires.

lHe gets lost in admiration when he sees sumptuous property, but refuses to pay his tax.

lHe takes his time, sometimes days, to leave your house. His favourite stop - the fridge.

lHe spends time with you even if things are not smooth. He is saving his money on your account.

lHe is always broke, but has expensive clothes and accessories. You are his ATM.

lHe never discloses information about his bonus, lies about what he earns and frequently goes shopping and comes back with nothing for you.

lHe is never available when you need a ride and complains about the cost of petrol when he takes you out.

lEven though it's clear to everyone that he couldn't afford it in ages, he talks about marriage too soon in the relationship. He thinks that with you in tow, his life is sorted.

lHe never repays the money he borrows from you.


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