I am in such a state. I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years and we have two children. He has never proposed because he says marriage is old-fashioned and is just a piece of paper. He says commitment is in our hearts. For a decade we have been very happy with our arrangement.
But lately things have changed and I am very unhappy and insecure. He stays out all weekend, every weekend. I see him on Thursday nights and then again on Monday nights after work. It has happened for six weeks in a row.
Whenever I question him, he gets angry and tells me to stop nagging and stop being insecure. He says my nagging and insecurity are what is driving him away, but I never said a word until the second time he stayed out all weekend.
I asked him if he has a girlfriend and he denied it. He says he is out partying with his friends, just guys. He says they spend the weekend drinking and watching sport on television. He says all the guys have wives and girlfriends, and I am the only one complaining. He says they spend the weekend at a single guy's house.
I don't believe him and it is driving me mad. I spend the weekend crying and feeling miserable and this rubs off on my children. They miss him and we all miss doing things as a family. I feel we are breaking apart.
What should I do? I've thought of calling the women involved, but this might push him so far that he never comes back.
All Alone, Limpopo
Sister, wake up and smell the coffee. What this man is doing is emotionally abusive and you do not have to put up with his selfish behaviour. He seems to think it is okay to revert to a single lifestyle and have a ball while you stay at home and bring up his kids.
Contacting the other women is a good idea. I am sure they are as upset as you are. Speak to them and come up with a strategy to get your men back. It may mean confronting the men as a group because there is strength in numbers.
Do not put up with this. You are entitled to be upset by his behaviour. It is unacceptable, selfish and unfair. He is behaving like a pig, not like a father.
Tell him that you want to be a family, or he can move out. If he wants a single lifestyle, then remove all the benefits of having a loving partner and children. Be strong and stand for what is right, and fair.