Former Bafana Bafana manager, Stanley "Screamer" Tshabalala, also known as eMoholo, this week told the Usuzwile Mkhozi crew about the escapades of a Nigerian footballer friend of his called Jackson Okuchiwe who played for a team in Limpopo called Crocodile Leopards. Jackson's wife liked taking him along when she went shopping until they received the following letter....
Dear Mrs Okuchiwe,
Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.
15 Things Mr. Jackson Okuchiwe has done while his spouse is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they were''t looking;
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals;
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to tampons section;
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone: "Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened;
5. August 4: Went to the service desk and asked to put a box of chocolates on lay-by;
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area;
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department;
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9 October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it;
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are;
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme;
12. December 6: In the auto department, practised his "Madonna look" using different size funnels;
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "Pick me!" "Pick me."
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker he assumes the foetal position and screams "No! No! It's those voices again!!!
And; last, but not least!
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly: "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Now you know why men should not accompany their wives when they go shopping.