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Minister of Cooperative Governance and Traditional Affairs Des Van Rooyen. Picture Credit: Gallo Images
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No man's better than a bad man

By unknown | Aug 27, 2007 | COMMENTS [ 0 ]

As if finding yourself is not complex enough, as you grow older you realise you could be the problem.

As if finding yourself is not complex enough, as you grow older you realise you could be the problem.

I often hear women joke that they are not cut out for relationships or marriage. The immediate reaction is always one of encouragement: "You have not met the right guy. Be patient. He'll come galloping down your driveway and sweep you off your feet."

But no matter how knightly the man is, some women are just bad at relationships. They instigate the break ups, want unattainable partners - usually married men - and are generally hard to please.

"These are generally 'well-bred' women who were raised to take pride in themselves, their work, their name, their surroundings and to never forget that birds of the same feather flock together," says family and relationship therapist Maserame Thema.

"They have worked hard to be the shiny big package they are and aren't able to compromise, even when they try to."

But you have to hand it to these women. When they are good they are good and demand only the best.

"I use to tell the guys at work that I wanted the best and they would ask for a profile of the perfect candidate," says Yolanda Masilela, a crisis counsellor.

"I would tell them and they laughed me off saying I wanted a wife with a penis. Now when a guy shows interest, I just ask: Is your name Barack Obama?" she grins.

Like her sisters in the game of love, Masilela has gone cold turkey on men.

"The search is worse than being an Idols judge so I've bowed out of relationships."

Women like Masilela are not set apart by their age. Keneilwe Tubatsi, a fashion assistant, in her early 20s sings the same song in the same tune.

"Most men are just not worth the trouble. They are babies. You have to tell them everything like they are your babies. You know you can't drink alcohol before a meal.

"You have to ask them, are you coming today, what time, what about your aunt's unveiling? Did you seriously forget or were you pulling my leg? Unless you can put up with all that crap, you are not cut out for relationships," Tubatsi says.

True to Thema's profile of these women, Tubatsi is an organised, focused young mama who takes no nonsense, even from her boss.

"I don't want a perfectionist, just someone who will come to me problem free and not use me as his other mother."

Thema says it is this superiority complex that sends men recoiling into a corner before hitting the road, leaving these women lonely and bitter.

"The older you get without a partner, the harder it is to bend your rules and the more you do things for yourself. So when a man finds you in your late 30s, you ask, what is he bringing that is going to rock my world? All they bring are problems. It's as if we've assumed the position of the knight in shining armour and to hell with that," says Masilela.


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