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Women's wonderful way with words

By unknown | Jul 30, 2007 | COMMENTS [ 0 ]

Amanda Ngudle

Amanda Ngudle

Have you ever suspected that women speak in codes?

You are absolutely right. Women are self-proclaimed complex characters. Although we are well endowed with the gift of the gab, we also often opt for white lies and sugar-coated truths that most men interpret as female jargon.

This strange language used by females is something that males never seem to make sense of, no matter how many times they hear women speak it.

So what exactly do women mean when they say: "It's not you, it's me?" We give you a lowdown of the female dictionary:

It's not you, it's me.

Meaning: You and I are like chalk and cheese and let's call it quits. No grovelling, going ape or negotiations please.

I'm not exactly looking for a relationship right now.

Meaning: Please get a life. Get someone else to bother. I'm looking for sure, but I'm not looking at you.

My last relationship was not a walk in the park.

Meaning: You had better take good care of me or I will make you pay for your brothers, that is, all my ex-boyfriends.

Can I take a rain check?

Meaning: I would rather watch paint dry, but knowing karma, I might be turned down by my stolen sexy hunk so I'll string you along until the drought ends.

It's that time of the month.

Meaning: I am having a period. Also means: I am going through a rough spell of PMS so tread carefully. Also means: Bring me chocolate. Can also mean: Let's hit the sack right away.

I really need to watch my spending habits.

Meaning: What have you done for me lately?

I'm having a situation with my phone at the moment.

Meaning: I don't want your number and I don't want to give you mine.

I know this place in Rosebank, Newtown...

Meaning: I'm down for whatever and I hope you have no ex following you with an axe because this may be your only chance.

You dress down too often.

Meaning: I refuse to be seen with someone who looks like a hobo.

It makes me feel uncomfortable when you...

Meaning: What the hell?

Are you ready to go?

Meaning: Oh hell no, you are going to change and dress properly for the occasion.

Don't your buddies have another place to watch soccer?

Meaning: I am not going to have your apes come over, mess the floor rug and get drunk while I slave away in the kitchen. Also means: I'm hitting the township and may be home in the wee hours if they come over again.

What's on other channels?

Meaning: No, not another episode of your moronic WWE retards.

So you miss your mom's cooking huh?

Meaning: Your days with me are numbered.

Why didn't you call me last night?

Meaning: You are such an SOB, The least you could have done was call me?

Why don't we call a spade a spade? We were taught to make our words sweet because we may be required to swallow them one day. We lock the swear words inside because it's civil and we have to lead by example.


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